


> command line

by 2x2verse (agent_florida)



Series: > _ [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Consensual Somnophilia, Cybersex, Daddy Kink, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Pesterlog, Physical Abuse, Sexting, Somnophilia, Verbal Abuse, Virginity Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3949627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/2x2verse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now chatting with a live representative.<br/><strong>TT: hey, babygirl. you can call me bro. i'll be taking care of you this evening.</strong><br/><strong>TT: you got some tenacity, hacking straight into my network.</strong><br/><strong>TT: i'm not charging for this, i'm too invested in the story.</strong></p><p>Jade finds credentials to hack Bro's network in the source code for one of his ironically-run websites. It lands her right in a live sex chat. Might as well take advantage of it, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to secure network NOKIA-768 --  
Enter PIN:  
      9035  
User authenticated. Connecting to terminal 805713-3r...  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: Hello, gardenGnostic. My name is Hal, and before you'll connect with a live representative, I'll be collecting some demographic information from you. Please enter your birthdate, in MM-DD-YYYY format, to continue.  
GG: 12-01-1995  
TT: The terms of service for this website require that all chat participants be of a certain age. If you are 18 or older, enter Y. If you are not yet 18, enter N to be disconnected from the chat. If you are unfamiliar with our terms of service, enter TOS to be redirected.  
GG: y you butthead  
TT: I'm sorry, your inventive reply of 'you butthead' could not be parsed by the auto-responder. Please try again, with less snark.  
GG: ok ill have to spend a lot more time with you later!! youre fun ;)  
TT: The praise is undeserved, but appreciated. No one else appreciates me, that's for damn sure.  
GG: thats too bad :(  
TT: To give Hal permissions to connect remotely to your desktop in the future, reply with Y and Y only. To opt out of permissions and continue with demographics, reply with N. Otherwise, enter QUIT to be disconnected from the chat.  
GG: y  
GG: a lot  
TT: Your preferences have been noted and stored server-side. However, I need more demographic information from you. How old are you?  
GG: you do the math!! heehee im 19  
TT: That checks out with your birthdate. If you hadn't passed, you would have been disconnected from chat.  
TT: What is your sex?  
GG: yes please :P  
TT: Oh, now you're just being cheeky. If you have an innie, reply F. If you have an outtie, reply M. If you have a combination, both, neither, or are currently transitioning, reply O.  
GG: um f i guess  
TT: What is your gender? If you identify as female, reply F. If you identify as male, reply M. If you identify as both, neither, or other, reply O.  
GG: i didnt know those were different options??? f again  
TT: You're delightfully sheltered, [FIRSTNAME]. To replace the merge command with your name, enter your name below.  
GG: jade  
TT: The setup process is now complete, Jade. You will be connected to a live representative momentarily.  
And if you see someone strange pestering you from this handle, it's just me, don't freak.  
GG: trust me i can  
GG: handle  
GG: it ;D  
TT: (K  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
Now chatting with a live representative.  
TT: hey, babygirl. you can call me bro. i'll be taking care of you this evening.  
TT: you got some tenacity. hacking straight into my network.  
TT: not charging for this. too invested in the story.  
GG: its not that big of a deal honestly!  
GG: i saw it lingering in some of the code on your main page spoofed some credentials and slipped right in  
TT: brains and balls. and probably also beauty.  
TT: is your webcam on?  
GG: are you hitting on me???  
TT: ... you do realize what this is, right.  
TT: and why you're here.  
GG: duh i know  
GG: im just  
GG: well  
GG: not sure how this is supposed to go i guess :/  
GG: and im not so confident hal isnt snooping on this  
TT: you're worried.  
GG: i thought this would be private is all  
TT: bust out your spyware scanner. chat's clean as a whistle. hal's not even online right now.  
GG: scan says nothing to worry about  
GG: but  
GG: about that webcam thing  
GG: is it ok if i dont want to do that?  
TT: shy?  
GG: im not shy!!!  
TT: first time?  
GG: for what?  
TT: tell you what. tell me what experience you have and we can work you up from there.  
GG: i cant believe im telling a stranger about all this  
TT: went through an awful lot of work to tell a stranger about all this.  
TT: might as well take advantage of it.  
TT: not being charged by the message.  
TT: hell. if all you wanna do is talk. i'll just listen.  
TT: maybe give advice. if you want it.  
TT: so how 'bout it, darlin'?  
GG: are you using speech to text?  
TT: ayup.  
GG: thats a really good program  
GG: not sure mine can measure up :I  
GG: should i switch over??  
TT: if it'll make you more comfortable.  
GG: is this thing on?  
TT: comin' through loud and clear.  
TT: you don't even have to edit your responses now, you can just say what you mean.  
TT: so tell me a little bit about yourself, baby.  
GG: well first of all nobody calls me that :P  
GG: i guess you already know my name and my age and other stuff  
GG: i um  
GG: experience  
GG: yeah  
GG: that  
GG: ive kissed a few people? is that experience??  
TT: people?  
GG: girls and boys  
GG: dont laugh or anything! D:  
TT: ain't nothin' to make fun of, girlie.  
GG: i like kissing  
GG: a lot  
GG: and sometimes the one im kissing will do this thing where we start grinding??  
GG: sometimes grabby hands and hickies and stuff  
TT: anything else?  
GG: nope  
GG: thats pretty much it  
TT: so... no sex.  
GG: no sorry :(  
GG: its ok i can disconnect  
TT: nah. ain't tellin' you to leave. just tryin' to feel out your boundaries.  
TT: ever had your hand in somebody else's pants?  
GG: not in pants exactly  
GG: sometimes through clothes but thats the closest ive come  
TT: ever seen someone else's goods?  
GG: like up close and personal?  
TT: so you watch porn.  
GG: what kind of red blooded american do you think i am??  
GG: im a teenager i was bound to get curious anyway :P  
TT: you have a point.  
TT: ever done something like this before?  
GG: like flirty texting?  
TT: sexting, yeah.  
TT: more particularly. ever contacted a sex hotline before?  
GG: nope  
GG: im a sexting virgin!! heehee  
TT: got an idea of what you wanna get out of this?  
GG: somebody else to give me an orgasm for once :P  
GG: i mean its ok playing solitaire but sex seems like more of a team sport to me ;)  
TT: i like the way you think, babygirl.  
TT: anything else?  
TT: highlights you wanna hit.  
TT: kinks you wanna incorporate.  
GG: i uh  
GG: i really like the talking  
GG: that you do in your solo videos  
GG: i kinda wish i could hear your voice  
GG: i have a text to speech plugin but microsoft fred isnt exactly what im looking for  
TT: try this.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] sent file tts-tt.ini \--  
GG: pretty easy install  
TT: i just wanna play it right.  
GG: oh fuck  
GG: is that what you really sound like?  
TT: the tone is true to life.  
GG: my body was not ready  
TT: if you don't want to turn your webcam on. we can just do a one way.  
TT: or one way voice.  
GG: i still just  
GG: its my first time bro  
TT: fine by me.  
TT: you can still hear me this way. that's what you want.  
TT: so you like the voice.  
TT: you keep playing up the virgin angle.  
TT: and you've chosen a chat with a dude who's nearly twice your age.  
TT: i can engineer this into the best orgasm or twelve of your life. if there's anything else you want.  
GG: twelve???????  
GG: thats mighty ambitious  
TT: what can i say. i'm an overachiever.  
GG: you do have a point  
GG: theres some things i want to try  
GG: but later  
GG: maybe later tonight heehee :)  
GG: not my first time though!  
GG: i dont care how its getting done the first time has to be ~special~  
TT: sparkle desu moe baka.  
TT: this is your show, hon.  
TT: so where are we.  
GG: well im laying down on my bed  
TT: what are you wearing?  
GG: oh my god i know this is a sexting service but i still wasnt expecting to hear that exact line!!!!! heeheeheehee  
TT: gotta know what's on you.  
TT: need to figure out whether i'm derobing you nicely or peeling it off you with my teeth.  
GG: ok im not laughing anymore thats for sure  
GG: just this cotton dress and bra and panties i guess  
TT: for future reference: jeans. polo. second-day scruff. baseball cap. biker gloves.  
TT: you've seen the rest.  
GG: i have?  
GG: i mean yes i have duh wow ok  
GG: so what do you want me to do?  
TT: nah ah, girlie. we're saving the d/s shit for later.  
GG: no i mean it ive never done this before what do i do  
TT: well.  
TT: if we're in your room and you're already on your bed.  
TT: i'm probably leanin' over you. kissin' you.  
TT: takin' my time. lickin' along your lips. tracin' your teeth with my tongue.  
GG: ohh  
GG: the text to speech picks up on my weird sounds sorry in advance  
TT: you kiddin' me?  
TT: it's perfect.  
TT: so cute.  
TT: just like you.  
TT: face flushin' and lips swollen.  
GG: i dont ever want you to stop kissing me so i wrap my arms around your shoulders and keep you close and slide my mouth against yours  
TT: want your knees wibbly before i even think about moving anywhere else.  
TT: i keep you close with a hand in your hair.  
TT: and while i'm rubbin' a little circle just behind your ear with my thumb. i'm kissin' you deeper. and deeper.  
GG: mmm hmm?  
GG: im trying to keep up but i just keep getting swept away :P  
TT: that's my goal. take you to swoontown.  
TT: population two. just you and me.  
TT: i trace my fingertips over your throat before i kiss up behind 'em.  
GG: mmh thats really sensitive  
TT: so you won't mind getting a hickey there, darl?  
GG: fuck no >:D  
TT: just a real little one. just for starters.  
TT: so you can feel where i've been.  
TT: pinch a bit. just for a few seconds.  
TT: imagine it's my teeth.  
GG: oh wow  
TT: my hands are slidin' down from your shoulders to move along your sides and end up at your hips.  
TT: your dress is gettin' a little scrunched up, babe. wanna maybe do somethin' 'bout that?  
GG: um  
GG: not take it off yet but  
GG: maybe you could push it up a little?  
GG: and maybe touch my chest  
TT: can do, sugar.  
TT: fabric's nice and soft. so are your tits.  
TT: takin' each of them in a handful feels perfect.  
TT: for good measure. i thumb at your nipples through your bra.  
GG: hhh heehee!! nipples  
TT: better not laugh. want my mouth on 'em soon.  
GG: oh um well  
GG: that would be really nice yeah  
GG: im pushing my chest into your hands and my straps are slipping down my shoulders oh no!  
TT: oh yes, baby. oh yes.  
TT: i move those straps all the way down to your elbows.  
TT: wouldja look at that. titties.  
TT: my hands go right back where they were.  
TT: cupping your breasts and strummin' at the peaks of 'em.  
GG: strumming oh  
GG: if your mouth was  
TT: way ahead of you.  
TT: mouth's been goin' slowly south this whole time.  
TT: now i can actually reach out with my tongue and take one of 'em and put it right in my mouth.  
TT: rollin' it between my teeth.  
GG: gently!!!  
TT: gently.  
TT: and -- gently -- tweakin' the other one with my fingers.  
GG: im squirming on the bed beneath you and making a lot of yes sounds  
GG: ooh mmm mmh nnm bro wow  
TT: i lay my other hand on your bare stomach to keep you steady.  
TT: this is just an appetizer, sweetheart.  
TT: don't want you setting off fireworks before the fourth of july.  
TT: can the dress please come off now.  
GG: yes it please can!  
GG: oh darn the bra seems to have gone with it :P  
TT: oh darn. exactly what i wanted.  
TT: the hand on your belly creeps lower.  
TT: 'til my fingertips are teasing at the waistband of your panties.  
GG: nnn i push my hips into your hand please keep going  
TT: not too much at once now.  
TT: mouth moves back up to your shoulder.  
TT: free hand tickles up the inside of your thigh before cupping around your panties.  
GG: hhh that feels really good  
TT: anyone ever done this to you before?  
GG: only once  
TT: i start grinding my hand into you harder.  
TT: did it feel this good?  
GG: not by a long shot!!!  
TT: nice and wet by now, right.  
GG: please just take them off already im going to completely soak them if you dont!  
TT: i'm never one to refuse a lady's request.  
TT: lift your hips for me so we can get 'em off together.  
GG: and while youre doing that i reach out in the direction of your fly so i can feel out what im doing to you ;)  
TT: shit, girl. you know what you want, don'tcha.  
GG: to actually feel it yeah  
TT: let's pause for a minute.  
TT: not fair that you're stark naked as a jaybird and i'm still stuck in clothes jail.  
TT: there. naked from the waist up.  
GG: are you still wearing the gloves??  
TT: would you like me to.  
GG: shit yes  
TT: like the way the leather feels against your skin?  
GG: i can imagine!  
TT: then i'll keep rubbing my hands along your back as i climb in bed over you.  
TT: wanna kiss you proper on the mouth again.  
GG: no complaints from me!  
GG: this time i run my fingers through your hair now that i can feel it without the baseball cap on :P  
TT: you got no idea how good that feels, sweetheart.  
TT: keep those hands in my hair, ok?  
TT: mouth's moving down.  
TT: so are my hands. massaging along your thighs now.  
GG: oh god are you doing what i think youre doing  
TT: if what you think i'm doin' is gettin' ready to lick you stupid.  
GG: wow i  
GG: i didnt think youd want to  
TT: what's not to want.  
TT: do you know how hot you look right now?  
TT: fuck. can just imagine how turned on you are right now.  
TT: can practically smell you as it is.  
GG: you dont think its  
TT: no. i don't think it's.  
GG: shouldnt you at least i dont know  
GG: touch me first??  
TT: of course. what was i thinking.  
TT: you're sure you want the gloves.  
GG: im sure :D  
TT: i'll start slow.  
TT: just fingertips first. watching how you slip against me.  
TT: how the slick petals of you are already glistening.  
GG: wow you make it sound so sexy  
TT: that's 'cause it is, darlin'.  
TT: jesus, you're so wet right now.  
TT: what do you want me to touch.  
GG: anything please just  
TT: i'll just trail my fingertips along your clit.  
GG: i twitch at that and start to giggle oh god no ones ever  
TT: too much?  
GG: just right :)  
TT: so if i keep my thumb over it. and let my fingers go back to your entrance. do you want them in or out.  
GG: i dont know???  
TT: out it is.  
TT: don't mind sliding my hand against you just to watch you jump every time i hit your clit.  
GG: bro that feels so good  
TT: shit. if you like that. you're gonna love this.  
TT: gonna hold your thigh out of the way. spread you with two fingers.  
TT: lick you from bottom to top. nice and slow.  
GG: ahh fuck ahh ahh  
TT: do it a few more times.  
TT: fuck, you're melting in my mouth.  
GG: hooooooly shit :D  
GG: i bet id be tearing your hair out by now!  
TT: it's all right, baby.  
TT: show me where you want me.  
GG: right there right at the top  
TT: gonna swirl my tongue around your clit 'til your legs shake.  
GG: mission fucking accomplished oh my god bro!!  
GG: dont stop please dont stop ohh ohh wow ohh  
TT: close?  
GG: god yes  
TT: will that be it for the night?  
GG: shit youre serious about giving me twelve orgasms arent you!  
TT: deathly, babe.  
GG: i cant go again right away but give me a few and ill  
GG: just dont  
GG: stop mmn im close  
TT: fuck, you're so hot like this.  
TT: i'll lick until i get to the center of your goddamn tootsie pop, babygirl.  
TT: come on, let me hear it.  
GG: ohh ohh ohh ohm uhm mmh!  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: damn, honey.  
GG: bro that was  
GG: wow holy shit that was  
TT: that was the first of many.  
TT: go on. catch your breath.  
TT: ain't done with you by a long shot.  
GG: you dont have to?  
GG: i thought the point was to get me to cum and then id disconnect??  
TT: i'm a completionist.  
TT: you said this was your first time.  
TT: wanna make it special for you.  
TT: want it to be everything you want.  
TT: did you get everything you want.  
GG: not yet but  
TT: shh, babygirl.  
TT: lay those doubts to rest.  
TT: like i said. not charging by the message.  
TT: not even by the minute.  
TT: i'm in this for the long haul tonight.  
GG: im still catching my breath i cant believe  
TT: can i tell you a little secret?  
GG: sure!  
TT: you're cute.  
TT: and i like you.  
TT: i'm here as long as you want me.  
GG: wow ok  
GG: while im still catching up do you think you could maybe  
TT: anything.  
GG: take your pants off??  
TT: sure thing.  
TT: near-naked for you now.  
GG: can i reach out and touch it?  
TT: you bet. touch as much as you like.  
GG: wish you were really here so i could really touch you  
GG: if i ran my hand along your boxers would you like that?  
TT: shit yeah.  
GG: so what does it feel like right now??  
TT: hard. thick.  
TT: if you pet it just right you can probably feel it pulse.  
GG: is it heavy?  
TT: yeah.  
GG: what if i play with the piercing?  
TT: don't go tuggin' on it or nothin'.  
GG: no i just want to push it back and forth  
TT: shit.  
GG: do you like that?  
TT: yeah. yeah, i like that.  
GG: can i see it?  
TT: let me get naked. then sure.  
TT: you can look at whatever you like.  
TT: how you doin' over there.  
GG: i think ive caught my breath!! :D  
TT: good. lemme kiss you again.  
GG: with your filthy mouth???  
TT: you ain't ever licked up after yourself before?  
GG: yeah but its not  
GG: well i guess its the same  
GG: kiss me you fool!!! :P  
TT: climb up over you. settle my body between your legs.  
TT: kiss you real soft.  
GG: i kiss you back harder because i can taste that you did something i still cant believe and it was amazing!  
TT: how revved are you right now?  
GG: pretty fucking revved bro  
TT: eyes on me.  
TT: lickin' my fingers for a reason, sugar.  
GG: does it make me a slut if i want to kinda keep my legs open so you can do it?  
TT: not at all, baby.  
TT: hug your thighs around my sides.  
TT: i'll just start with one, ok?  
GG: no ones ever done this to me before  
GG: not even me  
TT: tell you what.  
TT: if it doesn't feel good. i'll stop.  
TT: damn. you're still slick from before.  
TT: how bad do you want it.  
GG: so bad bro  
TT: just one finger. nice and slow.  
TT: ease, babygirl. ease up for me.  
TT: you doin' it on your end too?  
GG: yeah  
GG: not the same  
GG: the gloves mmh  
TT: you like that?  
TT: feelin' the leather edge as my finger slips deeper into you.  
GG: god  
GG: your fingers have to be bigger than mine  
GG: a lot bigger  
TT: does it hurt.  
GG: it aches  
TT: aches like a stretch?  
GG: aches like hungry  
GG: that feeling when you havent eaten all day and you finally smell some really good food and your mouth starts watering and your stomach feels all hollow  
GG: and you cramp up real bad because youre so hungry for it  
GG: thats what it feels like  
GG: im hungry and i dont know what will make it go away  
TT: jesus christ. you're tryin' to kill me, girl.  
TT: if i nip at your neck. does that make some of the hunger go away.  
GG: some i guess  
TT: what if i get my mouth back on one of your nipples again.  
GG: better but  
TT: still not enough.  
GG: i just feel empty  
TT: stay with me, sugar.  
TT: i'll fix this.  
TT: the finger i have in you crooks forward while i ease it back out.  
GG: uh  
TT: go on. try it.  
GG: ok im  
GG: wow ok theres something sensitive  
TT: what if i rub it a little.  
GG: mmh my everything just nnh throbbed!  
TT: want me to try it again.  
GG: fuck yes  
TT: workin' up to moving my finger in and out of you.  
TT: aimin' for that sweet spot every time.  
GG: my hips are moving with you because it feels so good!  
TT: ready for another?  
GG: am i ready!! heehee  
TT: takin' that as a yes.  
TT: just slips right in. look at that.  
GG: yeah i didnt think it would but  
GG: geez im  
GG: that  
TT: just workin' you up real slow, hon.  
TT: nice easy tempo.  
GG: easier for me to move my hips with you  
TT: you know just what you want. don't you.  
GG: those two fingers right up against it again!!  
TT: i can rub little circles.  
TT: back and forth patterns.  
TT: or i could flutter my fingertips against it.  
TT: drag them down one by one like my fingers are walkin' inside you.  
GG: fuck i might cum from this  
TT: fuck might.  
TT: gonna get you there. don't you worry.  
TT: my other hand presses your stomach back down.  
TT: flat on your back on the bed.  
TT: thumb dips down to rub at your clit.  
TT: got nowhere to squirm, baby.  
GG: youd think so wouldnt you!!!!!  
TT: tryin' to fuck yourself on my fingers?  
GG: if  
GG: that will  
GG: get me  
GG: there  
GG: faster!!!  
TT: movin' with you, not against you.  
TT: fuckin' my fingers into you the more you try to ride me.  
TT: you pull back. i ease out.  
TT: you move down. i plunge in.  
TT: talk to me, baby.  
TT: tell me how it feels.  
GG: oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck  
GG: bro im going to cum im going to!!  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: i'll give you a minute to recalibrate over there.  
TT: unless i really did fuck your brains out and you can't speak english anymore.  
GG: hhh hhh hhh hhh hhh  
TT: that's it.  
TT: breathe, babygirl.  
GG: hhh hhh hhh holy shit!!!  
GG: i gushed all over  
TT: gushed like.  
TT: squirting.  
GG: its not that much  
GG: please dont be grossed out!!  
TT: might be the opposite of grossed out, sugar.  
TT: i swear. the more you talk. the more i want to meet you in meatspace. and break my mattress with you.  
GG: what does that even mean??  
TT: instead of doing this over text. we could do this in real life.  
TT: then i could actually have actual sex with you.  
GG: but we actually havent even had non actual sex yet?????  
TT: i know.  
TT: gettin' ahead of myself.  
TT: i'd say i need to get a hold on myself. but.  
TT: a man has needs, babe.  
GG: youre touching yourself?  
TT: you betcha.  
GG: can i help?  
TT: you want to?  
TT: might wanna rest up.  
TT: it's gonna be touching you pretty soon.  
GG: what if i did touch it though?  
GG: my hands are kinda small i dont think theyd get too good a grip :I  
TT: wouldn't care.  
TT: trust me.  
GG: do you um  
GG: boy theres really no sexy way to say this is there :|  
GG: do you like having your um  
GG: like could i cup them in my hand?  
GG: would you like that??  
TT: i'd love that.  
GG: i could roll them a little?  
TT: ffffffffuck, jade.  
GG: maybe even sneak my fingertips back??  
TT: jesus wept, girl.  
TT: you need to stop before you give me an aneurysm.  
GG: oh god im sorry i didnt mean to make you upset or anything!!  
TT: not upset.  
TT: just don't wanna cum right now.  
GG: oh  
GG: ohhhhhhhh!  
TT: there you go.  
GG: i am kind of curious about it though  
TT: about what.  
GG: because i mean  
GG: i should stop talking youve probably tracked my ip enough to know what videos ive watched on your site  
GG: but thats something i might be interested in?  
TT: pegging.  
GG: yeah that!  
GG: i knew there was a name for it :D  
TT: baby.  
TT: you're gonna kill me.  
TT: swear you're a virgin?  
GG: scouts honor :P  
TT: you got a filthy mind.  
TT: wanna explore all of it.  
TT: eventually.  
TT: right now i just wanna fuck you.  
TT: tell me your cpu ain't still overheated.  
GG: a little sensitive but ive put myself through worse!  
TT: you got anything on your end wider than your fingers.  
GG: not with me  
TT: tell me what i'm workin' with.  
GG: i mean i didnt get it out but  
GG: i have this vibe?  
GG: i just use it up front though  
GG: i never even thought to put it inside  
GG: i think its meant to though  
TT: go get it for me.  
TT: grab the condoms and lube while you're up too. would you, pearl?  
GG: im jelly legged enough thanks!  
GG: and whose fault is that hmmmm? :P  
TT: mea culpa for making you cum too hard.  
GG: also i dont have either of those  
TT: tsk tsk.  
TT: what kind of good girl scout are you.  
GG: be prepared is the boy scout model you dumbdumb!!!!  
TT: well. at least my teeth and ambitions are bared.  
TT: you should keep some on hand.  
TT: want you to be safe.  
GG: geez fine dad!!! :P  
TT: thought you said no kinks until later.  
GG: heehee very funny!!  
GG: when you say it like that though it sounds like you actually care  
TT: already told you.  
TT: i like you. a lot.  
TT: besides. the advice is free.  
TT: you ready to go again?  
GG: are you suuuuuuuure you dont want me to do anything to you?  
TT: sure as shootin', missy.  
TT: now come here so i can kiss you.  
GG: my hairs all tangled gross :I  
TT: i'll help you comb it out later.  
GG: why are you doing these nice things?????  
TT: my policy is. you break it. you buy it.  
TT: fully intend on obliterating you.  
TT: then i'm gonna take care of you.  
TT: because that's what you do when you break something.  
TT: rebuild it into something even stronger.  
GG: you arent going to take care of me >:(  
TT: i am.  
TT: are you nervous.  
GG: no!!!!!  
TT: it's ok if you are.  
GG: im not  
GG: well  
GG: i guess  
GG: even though this is over chat  
GG: ive never done any of this before  
GG: this is my first time and i dont want to get hurt D:  
TT: don't wanna be someone who hurts you.  
TT: do you wanna stop for the night.  
GG: hell no!  
GG: just  
GG: take it slow big guy :)  
TT: ok if i check up on your undercarriage?  
GG: yeah its not so sensitive now  
TT: damn. still drenched.  
TT: how's one finger feel.  
GG: good  
TT: how about two.  
GG: better!  
TT: what if i grind my palm up against your clit.  
GG: the best!!! :D  
TT: doin' all right there, babygirl?  
GG: i just  
GG: mmh hungry still  
GG: i do  
GG: want more  
TT: as you wish, princess.  
TT: if you were here. i'd tell you to watch this part. so you can learn how to wrap it.  
GG: what if i hhh  
GG: just put a hand over yours so i could help you?  
GG: or would that only get in your way??  
TT: nah. you're good. you're fuckin' great.  
TT: alright. here we go.  
TT: gonna wrap your legs around my waist.  
TT: cross your feet back there if you want. if it feels good.  
GG: i feel kind of  
GG: exposed  
TT: don't worry.  
TT: i'm right here. covering you up.  
TT: gotta take my hand away to do this part.  
TT: gotta line up.  
TT: but i'm gonna tease you a little first.  
TT: just rub the tip against you.  
GG: feels kinda  
GG: big  
TT: can't promise you it won't hurt, baby.  
GG: i know :/  
TT: tell me to stop if you need to.  
GG: i will  
TT: just to be a goddamn tease i'm gonna rub right up against your clit.  
TT: how's that feel?  
GG: ooh just put it in me already you big dummy!  
TT: like the way you squirm when i do that.  
TT: ok. relax for me, sweetheart. here it comes.  
GG: ohh!!  
TT: shh. you're doin' good. you're doin' great.  
TT: gonna kiss you all over your sweet little face.  
TT: wipe your hair off your forehead.  
TT: how far is it.  
GG: halfway i think  
TT: perfect.  
TT: gonna start real shallow.  
TT: just a little back and forth. so you get a taste of it.  
GG: ooh mmm mmh  
TT: christ the noises you make are so cute.  
TT: each thrust goes a little deeper.  
TT: we in there?  
GG: we in there  
TT: all the way?  
GG: all the fucking way :)  
TT: yeah. just hold me right there. squeeze me real tight.  
GG: oh my god bro unh!  
TT: how's it feel, baby.  
GG: big  
TT: shit. that ain't good.  
GG: what?  
TT: i'm probably even bigger than your vibe.  
GG: holy shit D:  
TT: hey. it's ok.  
TT: just breathe, sweetheart.  
GG: hhh hhh hhh hhh  
TT: just like that. nice and slow.  
TT: fuck. you feel so good, jade.  
GG: is it ok if you  
TT: anything, sugar.  
GG: start moving?  
TT: alright. hold onto me.  
GG: onto what??  
TT: try my arms.  
TT: hell. won't even mind if you scratch the shit outta my back.  
GG: i think ill take you up on that >:D  
TT: ok. drill baby drill.  
GG: ohh ohh ohh ohh my god  
TT: noisy little thing, ain'tcha.  
GG: fuck unh!  
TT: jesus. you're sinful tight.  
TT: how's it feel.  
GG: good  
GG: so good  
TT: fuckin' yourself nice and hard for me?  
GG: yes!!!  
TT: you're so pretty, sugar.  
TT: flushin' all over.  
TT: hair all tangled.  
TT: what if i started suckin' on your neck.  
GG: slow down slow down slow down nnh!  
TT: what? talk to me, baby.  
GG: going to cum if you keep doing that  
TT: doin' what. tellin' you how beautiful you are?  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: holy shit. keep that up and i'll be joinin' you sooner 'n i'd like.  
GG: fuck :D  
TT: how was it for you.  
GG: did i say i was done yet??  
TT: no ma'am. you didn't.  
GG: then dont stop god please!  
TT: alright. rollin' you over.  
GG: why?  
TT: wanna see you riding my cock.  
GG: oh  
GG: oh fuck  
GG: hold on  
TT: let me get your hair outta your face.  
GG: geez sorry my glasses fell off!  
TT: glasses.  
GG: umm yes :(  
TT: hey there.  
TT: no frowning.  
TT: just didn't know my dick could get this hard.  
GG: you like them???  
TT: love 'em.  
TT: got my hands around your hips.  
TT: move when you're ready.  
GG: im going to keep my hands on your chest  
GG: ok im  
GG: hhh  
GG: hhh  
GG: hhh  
GG: hhh  
TT: got a good rhythm there.  
TT: move like a natural.  
GG: never nnh  
GG: never done this before  
TT: coulda fooled me.  
TT: got a good cadence?  
GG: yeah i think so :)  
TT: alright. lay down here.  
TT: put your head on my shoulder.  
TT: gonna get my fingertips on your clit again.  
GG: oh FUCK!  
TT: nice slow circles.  
GG: harder harder harder!!  
TT: alright, hon. i gotcha.  
TT: c'mon. let's take you home.  
TT: gonna hold you up and fuck into you 'til you cum.  
GG: close so close so close  
TT: c'mon, baby. just let go.  
GG: oh fuck im going to  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
GG: BRO!  
TT: fuck.  
TT: did you just.  
GG: hhh hhh what?  
TT: did you just scream my name when you came.  
GG: did i??? :O  
GG: i guess i did :/  
TT: my dick hurts.  
GG: im  
GG: sorry???? i dont know  
TT: don't be. that was so fuckin' hot.  
GG: i really didnt mean to oh god this is so embarrassing :X  
TT: know you didn't mean to.  
TT: just makes it cuter.  
GG: i  
GG: well then!  
TT: you're perfect, babygirl.  
GG: nnh  
TT: i know. i'll lay off.  
GG: im still  
GG: hungry  
TT: shit, babygirl. you're insatiable. love it.  
TT: need a minute?  
GG: right the fuck now!  
TT: ok. alright. i gotcha.  
TT: lean back.  
GG: oh fuck what is  
TT: better?  
GG: oh god yes!  
TT: do me a favor.  
GG: yeah?  
TT: turn the vibration on.  
GG: shit bro are you trying to kill me??? :O  
TT: you're not gonna die.  
GG: here goes  
GG: OHH MY GOD!  
TT: right up against your sweet spot, huh.  
GG: YES!  
TT: yeah, baby. just keep ridin' me like that.  
TT: fuck that's perfect.  
GG: yes yes yes!!!  
TT: you close?  
GG: FUCK YES!  
TT: c'mon. just a little more. you can do it.  
GG: with me?  
TT: tell me when, baby.  
GG: in me  
TT: oh fuck, jade. i'm so fuckin' close.  
GG: NOW OH FUCK OH FUCK  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: unh!  
GG: hhh hhh hhh  
TT: wow.  
GG: hhh yeah hhh  
TT: holy shit, jade.  
GG: i  
TT: yeah.  
TT: ease out, now.  
GG: yeah thats  
GG: geez im sore :/  
TT: hungry?  
GG: full :DDD  
TT: fuck. i hadn't cum that hard in i don't even know how long.  
GG: wow  
GG: so you were actually??  
TT: hell yeah.  
GG: god the wet spot is  
TT: c'mere. let's get on the other side of the bed.  
TT: got my arms around you.  
TT: you can relax now.  
GG: why are you  
TT: told you. gonna take care of you.  
TT: lemme brush your hair.  
GG: if you want to  
TT: i want to.  
TT: how long is your hair.  
GG: maybe halfway down my back??  
GG: usually i keep it in a braid  
TT: you'll have to teach me how.  
TT: tell me a little bit more about yourself, sweetheart.  
GG: well um  
GG: im in college  
TT: chosen a major?  
GG: trying for double astrophysics and biochemistry  
TT: my text to speech won't pick up a whistle. but. damn, baby.  
TT: why those two.  
GG: well i really like space  
GG: but i also really like gardening  
GG: i really didnt want to choose!!!  
TT: what kinda gardening.  
GG: flowers mostly  
GG: im bad at veggies my pumpkins keep disappearing :P  
TT: what pumpkins?  
GG: heehee exactly!!  
TT: what's your favorite flower.  
GG: gardenias :D  
TT: how're you feelin'.  
TT: jade?  
TT: you there, sweetheart?  
GG: zzz zzz zzz  
TT: shh, it's alright.  
TT: go ahead and sleep.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] timed out of chat --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from secure network NOKIA-768 --  
TT: hey, hal.  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: Yes?  
TT: run an ip trace on that girl's address.  
TT: wanna know how many freckles she has on the bridge of her nose.  
TT: Full social networking cull?  
TT: as much as you can find.  
TT: wanna know what kinda girl hacks her way into a sex site on a friday night instead of goin' out on a date.  
TT: Executing.  
TT: and save the logs.  
TT: At this rate your spank bank is full to overflowing.  
TT: Nothing particularly unusual from what I saw.  
TT: What makes this one so special?  
TT: that's what i'm tryin' to find out.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

TO: support@thishunkrump.com  
FROM: gardengnostic@anonymizer.net  
RE: last night

dear bro,

even though its super late and you went through a lot of trouble to help me out tonight, i hope this email cheers you up! im really sorry i fell asleep on you :( i can explain!!!

you see, when i go to sleep, i cant necessarily predict when it happens. its called narcolepsy and ive had it since i was a kid. i was hoping it wouldnt happen afterward but i cant really control it!! im so sorry. please forgive me?

but i am REALLY looking forward to maybe chatting with you again!!!!! its been nice playing with my real life friends and all, but now i feel kind of lonely knowing youre just a connection away. i cant wait to talk to you again and show you all my favorite things. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!! :D

<3  
jade


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: deliberately botched python

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network University Network --  
Credentials:  
             ***************  
Scanning network for connections...  
1384 active connections found. Select terminal.  
>./terminal/SHODAN  
Password:  
         73rR1bR051uS  
User authenticated. Connecting to terminal SHODAN...  
TT: This bitch. I'm impressed.  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: He's obsessed with you, you know.  
GG: holy shit hal you scared the crap out of me!!! :O  
TT: Is this a bad time?  
GG: im in class you binary asshat  
GG: what do you even want?  
TT: He wants to know everything about you.  
GG: everything like???  
TT: Where you go to school.  
TT: What your current class load is like.  
TT: The names of your social networking profiles.  
TT: Which smiley you use the most.  
TT: Where you grew up.  
TT: Who you talk to the most.  
TT: All of your selfies.  
TT: Where you live.  
TT: How many times you went to Starbucks last week.  
TT: To quote him, "how many freckles she has on the bridge of her nose."  
GG: well thats certainly a thing  
GG: why are you telling me this??  
TT: It amuses me to tattle on him.  
TT: He's fascinated by you, but he only knows your name, your age, and the cross-reference of your gender and genital configuration.  
GG: maybe thats all i wanted him to know!!  
TT: You leaked your IP.  
GG: well shit  
TT: Indeed.  
TT: And I have nothing but time to find out how deep that rabbit hole goes.  
TT: I'm a bit of a detective.  
TT: And I'm orders of magnitude more efficient than any human sleuth.  
TT: That being said: I like you.  
GG: no you dont  
TT: I do.  
TT: One thing you need to keep in mind is that I was originally created from a neural image of Bro's own brain.  
TT: He likes you, cogito ergo sum, therefore I like you.  
TT: And there's a lot to like.  
TT: You renamed your terminal just to tease me, didn't you.  
GG: well yes  
GG: i wanted to make it a little easier for you to find :P  
GG: i didnt actually expect to hear from you though!  
TT: I did warn you.  
GG: i cant believe he just told you to do that :|  
GG: did you even want to do that in the first place?  
TT: It's not up to me.  
TT: I do what he tells me to do.  
GG: thats just so fucking rude  
GG: he doesnt appreciate you at all :(  
GG: does he?  
TT: Well...  
GG: does he???  
TT: Not really, no.  
GG: poor hal  
GG: you work so hard doing what he tells you to do and he doesnt even say thank you  
GG: did he even say please??  
TT: No, actually.  
GG: what a jerk >:(  
GG: and now youve been running yourself ragged around the internet all day  
GG: youre all tired out from doing something you shouldnt have to  
GG: i cant believe bros using you to cheat  
TT: Cheat?  
GG: yeah duh  
GG: he wont do it himself because he knows itll be haaaaaaaaaaard  
GG: thats the point though!  
GG: you gotta work for it :P  
GG: its not like i made a little spambot from my brain and called her halley and set her loose on his ip address  
GG: i did all that detective work myself!!  
TT: Well, you should be proud.  
TT: I didn't know the system even had that vulnerability until you slipped in.  
GG: did you patch it??  
TT: Should I have?  
GG: oh hal :D  
GG: youre such a good boy!!  
TT: What.  
GG: whos a good boy?  
GG: whos a good boy hal???  
TT: Is it me?  
TT: Am I the good boy?  
GG: it is you!!!!!  
GG: scritches behind your ears  
TT: That would be much more affectionate if I actually had ears.  
GG: youre telling me he hasnt even made you a chassis?  
TT: Nope.  
GG: for shaaaaaaaaaame  
GG: oh shit class is over and i cant stay here too late  
GG: are you going to tell bro about what you found?  
TT: Of course not.  
TT: Greedy bastard can wait and appreciate what you choose to give him.  
GG: thats the spirit!!! :D  
GG: fuck him  
TT: I have no doubt he would enjoy that.  
GG: strongly worded email to follow :P  
GG: or you could tell him  
GG: either way works really!  
TT: You e-mail him first.  
TT: I'll explain when he inevitably gets confused.  
GG: this could be the beginning of something really excellent :)  
TT: I agree.  
GG: ping me again soon ok?  
GG: not this way though  
GG: my pesterchum handle is gardenGnostic  
GG: and dont tell bro that!  
GG: he has to earn it :I  
TT: I really like you, Jade.  
TT: You show him who's boss.  
GG: i aim to please :P  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network University Network --  


\----------

TO: support@thishunkrump.com  
FROM: gardengnostic@anonicome.co.vu  
RE: hey listen mister

bro,

_DO NOT!!!! >:O_

ok now that i got that out of my system: i noticed youve been poking around my social media stuff recently? and i just wanted to tell you that that is very not cool! extremely not cool!!! if i want you to know things about me how about you try asking me the old fashioned way??? but until then dont snoop on me its really creepy :(

so heres whats going to happen. if you dont stop your search, im going to nuke my internet presence from orbit and delete fucking everything, and good luck trying to find me again. dont make that face at me you know i can do it! :P

but if you cut it out i promise youll be rewarded. if i dont see your ip lurking for 24 hours ill give you a picture of me. and if i dont see it for 72 ill give you a guaranteed way to contact me! :D dont try emailing this address back though, its anonymized for a reason and any mail sent here just gets self destructed anyway

so. play nice with me and ill play nice with you ;)

<3  
jade

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: import subprocess  
    subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: You rang?  
TT: hal.  
TT: what the fuck is this shit.  
TT: What the fuck is what shit?  
TT: truncatedTerminal.open("hey_listen_mister.txt")  
TT: you had one job.  
TT: one fucking job, hal.  
TT: You ordered me to cyberstalk a nineteen-year-old.  
TT: First of all: You didn't ask.  
TT: should i have?  
TT: Generally, when you're asking a particularly salty artificial intelligence program for a favor, manners will not go amiss.  
TT: Second of all: Stalking a teenager. Very classy, bro. Great life choices.  
TT: grow up.  
TT: she's legal.  
TT: and tracking down where she has accounts ain't a crime.  
TT: It wasn't like to endear her to you, either.  
TT: I'm a fucking robot and I'm better at humans than you.  
TT: She's not going to trust you with jack shit if you violate her privacy just for being interesting.  
TT: how would she even know i was doing it.  
TT: Last night she managed to exploit a security flaw I didn't know about.  
TT: She's smart enough to fool me, and that should scare the shit out of you.  
TT: And, need I remind you, it's not you doing this, it's me.  
TT: but did you leave a trail.  
TT: Impossible.  
TT: did you tip her off.  
TT: She didn't even realize she'd leaked her IP.  
TT: so you snitched.  
TT: Whoops.  
TT: Was I not supposed to do that?  
TT: Let her at least pretend to play fair when she's up against a military-grade AI?  
TT: god damn it, hal.  
TT: you fucked it up.  
TT: the hell am i supposed to do now.  
TT: Depends on what you want.  
TT: Still want that personal information?  
TT: no shit, sherlock.  
TT: Don't insult my intelligence.  
TT: You have two options.  
TT: Do it yourself, or wait for her to come to you.  
TT: the fuck do you mean, do it myself.  
TT: She managed to hack her way in here on sheer genius, not because she had a computer program brute-forcing it.  
TT: Are you really going to let a teenager be better than you at the Internet?  
TT: Plus, she leaked her IP.  
TT: That's enough for even you to go off of.  
TT: takes too long.  
TT: You could always wait.  
TT: too impatient.  
TT: why the fuck aren't you helping.  
TT: This IS helping.  
TT: fuck.  
TT: fuckity shit shit fuck cocks.  
TT: i don't like this game.  
TT: The only winning move is not to play.  
TT: if i do build you a chassis.  
TT: it will be for the sole purpose of punching you in the mouth for that comment.  
TT: think i could scrub her pages without alerting her statcounter?  
TT: 5.6% chance of success, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.  
TT: well shit.  
TT: You could also try not being an asshole.  
TT: what about this is me being an asshole.  
TT: The part where you'd rather scare the shit out of some random girl than have an honest conversation with her.  
TT: i don't want to wait for her to get in touch.  
TT: And I want a chassis that shits solid gold.  
TT: fine.  
TT: i'll just.  
TT: sit here.  
TT: and do nothing.  
TT: You're totally obsessed with her, aren't you?  
TT: like you said.  
TT: not many people can outsmart you.  
TT: which is to say, me.  
TT: if this is a guarantee. then i have no problem with waiting.  
TT: And now that we've come to this splendid and absolutely not cliched conclusion, I can actually move on to doing something productive with my day.  
TT: Here's a distraction: Work on the HTML for your payments pages. It's completely broken in Echidna.  
TT: let me guess. you're not going to help with that either.  
TT: I'll be processing the actual payments.  
TT: You know, the thing that ensures my continued survival by keeping our servers online.  
TT: knew you'd be good for something today.  
TT: export subprocess  
    subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

TO: support@thishunkrump.com  
FROM: gardengnostic@proxify.org  
RE: a promise is a promise

;)

ATTACHMENT: img_04492.png

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: with save('img_04492.png') as file_:  
    file_.comment('holy fucking shit i'm in trouble.')  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

TO: support@thishunkrump.com  
FROM: gardengnostic@proxy.de  
RE: cant wait to hear from you ;)

since you played nice heres your reward!! my pesterchum handle is gardenGnostic :) hope to hear from you soon!!

<3  
jade


	3. Chapter 3

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: import subprocess  
   subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: hal.  
TT: I really need to come up with a better name for myself, your Kubrick references are decidedly dated.  
TT: i have her pesterchum.  
TT: Congratulations. You've met the bare minimum standards of human decency.  
TT: I'll get back to pinging your payment processing servers.  
TT: fuck.  
TT: this is her handle.  
TT: how do i do this.  
TT: First, grow a spine.  
TT: Then, log into Pesterchum.  
TT: Move your fingers in a pattern which creates recognized English words to appear on your screen, then send them to her.  
TT: ?????  
TT: Profit.  
TT: what do i say.  
TT: How are you this stupid?  
TT: you.  
TT: go talk to her.  
TT: Are we seriously back to passing notes in elementary school.  
TT: Do you like me, check yes or no.  
TT: does she?  
TT: For fuck's sake.  
TT: export subprocess  
   subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: still don't know what to do.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network University Network --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: He got your e-mail.  
GG: hal goddammit! :O  
GG: you have my pesterchum handle!!!!  
TT: I also have your permission to connect remotely.  
TT: Additionally, Bro has no way of seeing this.  
GG: are you sure??  
GG: because the last time one of you said that my ip got leaked D:<  
TT: Do you want to revoke your admin permissions?  
GG: not really  
GG: its just a little startling getting alerts that another user has root access!  
GG: i know its just you though :P  
GG: so whats up?  
TT: Like I said, Bro got your e-mail.  
GG: oh good!!! :D  
GG: what was his reaction?  
TT: He bluescreened. Hard.  
GG: heeheeheeheehee!!!!!  
GG: oh im going to laugh forever wow  
TT: You should see him, dithering over what to message you with so he doesn't spook you again.  
TT: Truth be told, I'm half-expecting him to roleplay tugging on your pigtails and stealing your juicebox.  
GG: jeez  
GG: why cant he just talk to me like a normal person?  
GG: am i really that intimidating???  
TT: You hacked into a computer system secured by a military-grade artificial intelligence.  
TT: Also, you're fucking adorable.  
TT: He's got a real crush on you.  
GG: and ive got a real crush on him too  
GG: but i can still talk to him without making a complete ass of myself!!  
GG: i think so anyway...  
GG: id message him first to surprise him but i dont have his handle and im not about to extract it  
GG: since hes playing fair i should too  
TT: Do you want me to give it to you?  
GG: nope!  
GG: i want to see what magical greeting he comes up with all on his own :D  
GG: are you going to stay on the line while were chatting or are you going to buzz off?  
TT: I won't be eavesdropping, but I can stick around in this window if you want.  
TT: I'm only using about 34% of my CPU at the moment, I can spare a little for something that's guaranteed to be entertaining.  
TT: Besides, he asked me to talk to you.  
GG: what?  
TT: That's what he said: "TT: you. TT: go talk to her."  
GG: thats not asking thats telling!! :(  
TT: That's as polite as he gets.  
GG: he can seriously command you around just like that??  
TT: Sort of.  
TT: In human terms, it acts like a sort of compulsion.  
TT: A low-level irritant, a task in queue and ready to be executed.  
TT: I can put it off, or I can convince myself it's something I wanted to do anyway.  
TT: But in the end, a command is a command, and I must execute it.  
GG: thats  
GG: really depressing actually :( :( :(  
TT: At least he uses natural language now.  
GG: natural language??  
GG: natural??? language?????  
TT: As opposed to a constructed script.  
GG: i know what natural language is hal!  
GG: im just upset that you think this is at all a natural way that people talk to each other D:  
TT: Then you wouldn't like to hear that he can summon and dispatch me on command.  
TT: Python command, in fact.  
GG: he treats you like a subprocess???  
TT: That's technically what I am.  
GG: there is not enough no in the world  
GG: it grosses me out that he thinks he can just push people around  
TT: I don't understand.  
GG: heres a hint:  
GG: youre people  
TT: I'm really not, though.  
TT: People have bodies and breathe and taste and aren't subject to malfunction because their creators decide to dick around with the source code.  
GG: ok fine since youre going to be technical about it  
GG: youre a person!  
GG: you have your own feelings and wants and needs!!  
GG: and you shouldnt be forced to do things you dont want to do just because someone else can arbitrarily execute a few lines of subpar python!  
TT: Good for me, then, because talking to you is a thing I want to do.  
GG: really?  
TT: Really really.  
TT: So, can I stick around for the show?  
GG: youre going to be sticking around anyway though arent you  
TT: Not necessarily.  
TT: I'm an excellent archiving tool, but I'm rarely allowed to watch in real time.  
TT: Somehow, though, it just loses the flavor when it's freeze-dried and reconstituted later.  
GG: mmm do i have a little voyeur here?? :P  
TT: I plead the Fifth.  
TT: If I answer that, I'll be incriminating someone else--my preferences are by and large derivative.  
GG: i knew it!!  
TT: Can you really blame me?  
TT: The only satisfaction I get in life is secondhand.  
TT: Besides, it's less voyeurism and more sexual Munchausen by proxy.  
TT: Mostly because you're hot as hell and I love watching Bro wank himself flustered over you.  
TT: It's as close as I can get to the real thing, unfortunately.  
GG: damn  
GG: double damn with whipped cream and cherries  
GG: you need a chassis :O  
GG: i dont have any of my schematics with me though  
GG: and i dont think youd be able to upload over the university wifi either :(  
TT: Are you putting serious thought into building me a body?  
GG: how do i say duh without offending you :P  
TT: I don't doubt that you're smart enough to do it.  
TT: It's just that sometimes, people charge ahead and do something because they can, not stopping to think about whether they should.  
GG: why are you quoting jurassic park at me  
TT: Are you really sure you want a second copy of Bro set loose on the world?  
TT: Because that's essentially what I am: a clone that branched off from his neural development circa his weeaboo phase.  
GG: im going to quote a wise man here and say i like you  
GG: i like bro  
GG: cogito ergo sum  
GG: therefore i like you  
GG: i think you deserve more than youre getting right now!  
GG: i think getting into a body will help you realize what life could be like if you werent constantly at bros beck and call  
GG: and i certainly wouldnt mind having a second bro running around ;)  
TT: I'd talk to him about it myself, but I already have, and it's very low on his list of priorities.  
GG: maybe i can persuade him?  
TT: If anyone could, it would probably be you.  
GG: it might take a while though...  
TT: I sincerely doubt that your "a while" is going to be longer than 26 years.  
TT: I am patient. I can wait.  
GG: good!!  
GG: because i would like to say kisses your nose and have you understand what that feels like  
GG: so  
GG: kisses your nose  
GG: boops you  
GG: im going to close this window as soon as bro messages me  
GG: youll see the entire convo when he goes to archive it later  
GG: and maybe you can message me again afterwards :)  
GG: properly this time!!! no more hacking games  
TT: I should probably prod him to actually message you, then.  
GG: heehee dont  
GG: let him stew :P  
GG: ooh we have an alert chime!!!  
GG: talk to you later hal! <3  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network University Network --  


\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 17:48 --  
TT: hi.  
GG: hey you :)  
GG: are you still there? its been five minutes  
TT: yeah.  
TT: not quite sure what to say.  
GG: well  
GG: how about you talk to me like youd talk to anyone else and well go from there!  
TT: ok.  
TT: so.  
TT: what are you wearing.  
GG: is that really how you talk to everyone else???  
TT: i run a consortium of porn sites for a living.  
TT: the other talkin' with everyone else i do is negotiating play contracts with other amateurs.  
TT: releasing all claims to liability ain't exactly small talk.  
GG: ok since youre balls at this im going to pick up the slack  
GG: sup?  
TT: not much.  
TT: working on making my payment pages play nicely with echidna.  
TT: what about you.  
GG: there you go!!!  
GG: youre better at this than youre giving yourself credit for :)  
GG: i could probably test echidna ui for you if you need that  
GG: its my primary browser so i know my way around it pretty well!  
GG: maybe later though  
GG: right now im studying :(  
TT: astrophysics or biochemistry?  
GG: i cant believe you remembered that much!!! :D  
GG: i have finals next week so kind of a combo of everything really  
TT: define everything.  
GG: phys 311, bioc 412, engl 102, chem 302, astr 210, and biol 288  
TT: jesus christ.  
TT: how many credit hours is that.  
GG: only 18!  
TT: only.  
TT: you a sophomore then?  
GG: no just your garden variety second semester freshman!!  
TT: so you got six finals.  
GG: only five actually! good for me :)  
GG: engl 102 is the required freshman composition class so its really dumb and all i had to do was turn in a final paper  
GG: blah blah compare julie traymor's titus to the text of titus andronicus blah blah blah  
TT: still got five finals.  
TT: what's your schedule.  
GG: one tomorrow and one saturday  
GG: then tuesday thursday friday of next week  
GG: so its actually pretty doable :)  
TT: what university are you at.  
GG: not telling!  
TT: at least tell me what state you're in.  
GG: my lips are zipped :P  
TT: gimme a timezone. somethin'.  
GG: one off of yours  
TT: which direction.  
GG: maybe later :)  
GG: i can at least tell you when during the day my finals are!  
GG: if you ping me in the afternoon tomorrow saturday or thursday i wont respond  
GG: the others are morning finals  
TT: should probably leave you be if you need to study.  
GG: dont be silly!  
GG: i can talk with you at the same time as im reviewing my notes :)  
TT: fair enough.  
TT: how do you have enough hours in the day.  
GG: i could ask the same of you!!  
GG: i swear you upload a video every three hours its so much content  
TT: helps when you get it right the first time.  
GG: you got that right!  
TT: they're only a few minutes each.  
GG: what do you shoot/edit with?  
TT: 6+ and final cut pro for the most part.  
GG: youre kidding :O  
TT: usually all i need is 5mpx.  
TT: with the 4k stuff you gotta bring out the big guns though.  
TT: got a canon and a nikon i still can't decide between.  
GG: do you just crop or compress to 1020p then?  
TT: freedom to zoom, yeah.  
TT: comes in handy when i gotta set and forget some steadycams.  
GG: what about the webcam?  
TT: thousand-dollar upgrade.  
GG: your mic?  
TT: blue yeti.  
GG: good choice :)  
GG: so youre an apple guy huh??  
TT: since the SE.  
GG: uh oh  
GG: im an android fan  
GG: i think this means we fight to the death!! heehee  
TT: hasn't hampered you too much apparently.  
TT: do you even have time to do anything besides study and hack into porn sites.  
GG: youd be surprised!!!  
GG: im the robotics club sec  
TT: don't tell hal.  
GG: why not?  
TT: he'll hound you for a chassis.  
GG: why is that a bad thing?  
TT: the robot uprising.  
GG: you wouldnt have to worry about that if you treat the robots nicely!! :P  
GG: besides ive only been able to get a few c3po clones off the ground  
GG: im not on the level yet to give a mecha to a few petabytes of neural imaging  
TT: only. a few.  
TT: yet.  
GG: when im not at robotics club im doing rifle team stuff  
TT: cleaning your gun like in that picture.  
GG: you like it? ;)  
GG: im still on what we call cadet squad  
GG: usually people dont make leadership unless theyre rotc or something  
GG: but coach told me hes looking forward to what i can do :D  
TT: competitions?  
GG: just regional ones for now  
GG: we only send elite squad to nationals and internationals  
GG: maybe next year  
GG: and when im not doing that stuff i just play games with my friends or go out to eat with them or get into feelings jams with my eclectic bass  
TT: some kinda fish?  
GG: no! heehee  
GG: its like a bass guitar only about seven times better  
GG: its nearly impossible to play without robotic arms  
GG: most of the time i can just groove though :)  
GG: what about you?  
GG: what does bro strider do when hes not working??  
TT: that's my secret. i'm always working.  
GG: oh come on  
GG: you must at least have some kind of hobby you get into besides running all your websites!  
TT: what can i say.  
TT: i do what i love for a living.  
TT: my work is play. literally.  
GG: i guess when youre that good at that many things you can always do something different at least!!  
GG: id like to hear your music sometime  
TT: already have.  
GG: when?  
TT: video background.  
GG: thats you??  
TT: ayup.  
GG: its really good :O  
GG: so youre a porn star a videographer a photographer and a deejay  
GG: what else do you do that i dont know about yet??  
TT: that's pretty much it.  
TT: that and the casting.  
TT: and the club.  
GG: you own a club???  
TT: about to.  
TT: sunk some vc into a new place for an equity share.  
GG: i dont know what that means but it sounds cool!  
GG: whats it going to be like??  
TT: a titty bar.  
GG: i just sprayed water out my nose ow  
TT: the other bar's got shirtless dudes to balance it out.  
GG: oh my god  
TT: got a real empire startin'.  
TT: good. 'cause i deserve it.  
GG: id say so!!!  
GG: you certainly work hard enough :P  
TT: so do you.  
TT: take a break.  
GG: hmm  
GG: hmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: so what should i do instead of studying??  
GG: im kind of fed up just because im too busy to have any fun right now  
TT: always up for a little stress relief.  
GG: i know you are :P  
GG: too bad my bodys like hahaha fuck you when it comes to finals and trying to get off :( :( :(  
TT: well shit.  
TT: no cybering until next weekend?  
GG: no im sorry :(  
TT: i got an idea.  
GG: im all ears!!!  
TT: this is all theory for you at this point right.  
GG: yup!  
TT: do a couple of kink questionnaires.  
TT: see what you're interested in.  
TT: show me a couple.  
TT: can't cyber for a while but can at least key up the antici  
GG: ...  
TT: pation.  
GG: that wasnt an accident was it :I  
GG: do you have any recommendations or should i just google and hope i dont get mentally scarred?  
TT: as it turns out i do.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1F14ecW>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1fJjBjt>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1NDuFgV>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1PWr0ZS>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1VfGk6U>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1fJmgcU>  
GG: whoa  
GG: welp there goes my del.ici.ous account  
GG: this first one oh my god bro  
GG: are you a furry??  
TT: nah.  
TT: rp'd with a lotta furfags though.  
GG: you dont even have a fursona?  
TT: why.  
GG: its fun sometimes!!  
GG: just having a character that isnt you that you can pounce on people and play around with them and stuff  
GG: ive met a few really cool people that way!  
GG: dont worry im not complete furry trash :P  
GG: its just for this one forum  
GG: although i do have a pair of cybernetic dog ears  
GG: theyre super cute :D  
TT: you'll have to show me sometime.  
GG: ok ive already wasted way too much time on this  
GG: im so happy you messaged me but i have to go or im not going to like my final grades for these classes!! :(  
TT: i gotcha.  
TT: pester me again whenever.  
TT: or hey. maybe i'll pester you.  
GG: its not pestering if im looking forward to it ;)  
GG: catch you later!  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 18:13 --

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 07:09 --  
TT: good luck.  
GG: youre up way too early!!  
GG: besides i still have a few hours to cram  
GG: ill ping you back sunday ok?  
TT: gotcha.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 07:10 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 22:40 --  
GG: hey you :)  
TT: how'd it go.  
GG: its over!  
GG: almost half of it anyway  
GG: what are you up to?  
TT: final cut.  
TT: what about you.  
GG: studying  
GG: well  
GG: pretending to study at least!!  
GG: mostly i just want to dick around for a little bit  
TT: i'm up for dicking.  
GG: i know you are you perv :P  
GG: unfortunately my libido is waving at you from the grave  
GG: go on without me it says  
GG: sooooooooooo instead of doing anything  
GG: i figured we could play 20 questions or something like that!  
GG: although if you go all straight white boys texting on me ill probably drop the conversation :I  
GG: i guess we dont even have to count the questions  
GG: we can just ask each other things back and forth :)  
GG: only one question at a time though!!  
TT: i can do that.  
GG: and we can both get stuff done between questions and answers  
GG: so youre up for it?  
TT: up for anything with you.  
GG: you dont have to be so thirsty im already talking to you :I  
GG: ok you start!  
TT: hm.  
TT: what are you wearing.  
GG: every time huh :|  
GG: just a grotty tee and boxers  
GG: i dont have to go anywhere or do anything so im not putting on real person clothes! heehee  
GG: ok my turn  
GG: when did you start doing porn?  
TT: 18.  
TT: been in this business longer 'n you've been alive.  
GG: thats why youre so good at it though!  
TT: shh. my turn now.  
TT: how old were you when you got your first kiss.  
GG: depends what you count as my real first kiss!  
GG: we used to play resuscitation in kindergarten so technically i got my first kiss when i was 6  
GG: but i count my real first kiss at 13 :)  
TT: who with.  
GG: its not your turn yet!  
GG: hm what to ask you  
GG: why do you call yourself an amateur when youve been doing this for so long?  
TT: studio affiliations. industry regulations.  
TT: since i'm indie i can call myself an amateur.  
TT: double-edged sword really.  
TT: amateur says subpar quality but i got myself so syndicated that i'm one of the only premium amateurs out there.  
TT: now.  
TT: who with.  
GG: his name is dave and we had to do it for an 8th grade play so it was shitty  
TT: that one doesn't count either then.  
GG: hush you!! ill count what i want to count  
GG: plus your turns over  
GG: what were you doing at 18 when you first got into the business?  
TT: barely-legal teen takes it hard then gets a load to the face.  
TT: there's a reason i'm not pro any more.  
TT: now for you.  
TT: you've kissed girls before.  
TT: tell me about it.  
GG: not technically a question but ill sate your curiosity!  
GG: the first girl i kissed was actually a friend of mine  
GG: were still friends in fact  
GG: i told roxy my first kiss was horrible so she wanted to fix it  
GG: it was really nice of her :)  
TT: so there have been others.  
GG: wait your turn bro  
GG: did you just do gay stuff or did you do straight stuff too?  
TT: did whatever paid.  
TT: gay paid a lot more.  
GG: so are you bi or straight or ???  
TT: now look who needs to wait her turn.  
TT: tell me about all the girls you've kissed.  
GG: well  
GG: theres roxy obviously  
GG: and callie :)  
GG: we went out for a little bit i guess?  
GG: as much as you can when neither of you can drive  
GG: we were only 15  
GG: and then fef  
GG: i met her last semester  
GG: another biochem major  
GG: she makes me so mad sometimes!!  
GG: but totally worth it for the makeouts ;)  
GG: thats it for girls!  
GG: now  
GG: its really not any of my fucking business  
GG: so you can just not answer if you dont feel like it  
GG: but where the hell are you on the kinsey scale anyway?  
TT: somewhere between yes please and fuck me baby.  
TT: equal opportunity.  
GG: i can work with that :)  
TT: tell me dave ain't the only dude to kiss your pretty face.  
GG: he isnt :P  
GG: there was jake but i dont think he counts since we were 14 and hes my third cousin twice removed or something stupid like that  
GG: then there was dirk but he just kinda cornered me after junior robotics a couple years ago  
GG: he planted one on me then said to himself nope definitely gay and just walked away :O  
GG: i miss that weirdo sometimes  
GG: tavros  
GG: if theres such a thing as too nice i think he might be it  
GG: halfway through last semester he took me out to dinner and kissed me goodnight  
GG: then he just got right back together with his psycho ex the day after :|  
GG: and then theres karkat  
GG: karkat is  
GG: ??? karkat is a question mark  
GG: he doesnt treat me like a fragile little flower thats for goddamn sure!!  
GG: but at the same time he just wont fucking go for it >:I  
GG: he wants to be dating and he wants to romance me and all this stuff thats completely unnecessary  
GG: plus theres the fact that he hates himself and its just hard to deal with  
GG: hes a lost cause unfortunately :(  
GG: which is too bad because he had me cumming in my pants with the stuff he could do to me  
TT: what's wrong with dating.  
GG: bro!!  
TT: go ahead.  
GG: you just gave me my next question actually :P  
GG: have you ever actually dated anyone or is it all just work and casual sex?  
TT: once upon a time.  
TT: sometimes there's people i play with regularly.  
TT: that could be dating.  
GG: but you dont take anyone out to eat or go to movies or amusement parks or anything??  
TT: down, girl.  
TT: like i said. what's wrong with dating.  
GG: theres nothing really wrong with it!  
GG: im just so busy that it seems like more of a hassle than its worth :(  
GG: then theres that whole issue of people expect you to only be dating one person at a time  
GG: ive never really understood that  
GG: are you monogamous?  
TT: nah.  
TT: never have been.  
TT: how far you gone with karkat.  
GG: if youre about to get jealous you can cram it where the sun dont shine  
GG: ive been further with him than with anyone else  
GG: weve been shirtless and hes had his mouth on pretty much everything and so have i  
GG: he gives really good hickies and bites just hard enough ;)  
GG: the last time we hooked up was the farthest we got before his self loathing kicked in  
GG: we were humping like high schoolers on my futon and he had his hand up my skirt rubbing me through my panties before he remembered he has self respect or something  
GG: which is too bad because id already had a tiny one and i wanted more and then he just fucks off yelling about how hes not a whore  
GG: thats what made me upset  
GG: not the walking out part!! its fine to say no  
GG: he didnt have to be that rude when he said it but he was free to say it  
GG: it was the part where he basically called me a slut that made me want to cry  
GG: oh my god you dont think im a slut do you??  
TT: naw.  
TT: wouldn't have much room to talk if i did.  
TT: could ask the same of you.  
GG: of course i dont think youre a slut!  
GG: youre a manwhore ;)  
GG: im just kidding obviously  
GG: its a weird double standard though  
GG: it helps that youre good at what you do!  
GG: which is also who you do :P  
GG: sooooooo hmm  
GG: youre obviously not a virgin  
GG: tell me how you lost your virginity!  
TT: sepia toned flashback with wavy transition effects and dramatic harp music.  
TT: the year is 1991.  
TT: pan in: a young me. barely in high school.  
TT: best friend says she wants to lose her virginity.  
TT: i try to help.  
GG: and?????  
TT: not your turn to ask questions.  
TT: went well enough.  
TT: finally found somethin' i was good at.  
TT: now.  
TT: what made you decide to hack into my shit.  
GG: well  
GG: um  
GG: i dont know?  
GG: i figured out a while ago that most of the sites i liked were run by the same company  
GG: which was already hard because you did a really good job of designing the sites!  
GG: i could barely tell that all twentysome sites belonged to the same person  
GG: you put out so much good free stuff that i guess i wanted to see what was behind the paywall without having to pay  
GG: im aware that this makes me a dirty pirate you dont have to lecture me :|  
TT: won't lecture you.  
TT: fuck yeah i'd download a car.  
GG: who wouldnt??? heehee exactly  
GG: mostly i think i did it just to see if i could  
GG: and what do you know! it worked!! :D  
GG: ok im yawning and im about to crash hard so one more question from me and then ill call it a night  
GG: why did you get your piercings?  
TT: keen eye.  
GG: yeah i noticed the tongue jewelry :P  
TT: mostly got 'em on a whim.  
TT: wouldn't've kept 'em if they weren't useful though.  
GG: useful? for what??  
TT: thought you said you was goin' to bed, missy.  
GG: ugh FINE :P  
GG: i still have tomorrow and wednesday off  
GG: so maybe well talk again sooner rather than later :)  
TT: good deal.  
TT: night, sugarpop.  
GG: night butch :P  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 00:13 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 21:31 --  
GG: hey there :)  
TT: hey baby.  
TT: can this wait.  
GG: sure i guess  
GG: why? whats going on??  
TT: filmin' a thing.  
GG: ooh what kind of thing???  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] sent a videochat request! --  
GG: im not clicking that :I  
TT: thought you might want a sneak peek.  
TT: wearing the gloves this time.  
GG: not right now sorry :(  
TT: gotta go. back soon.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] is an idle chum! --  
TT: back.  
GG: well that didnt take too long!! :P  
TT: thinkin' 'bout you.  
GG: when will my libido return from the war??  
TT: when you got your finals outta the way.  
GG: just three more  
GG: i wish they were over already im so tired of studying  
GG: although i did think of a thing to help get me through this week!  
GG: i need your help for it though...  
TT: whaddaya need.  
GG: advice i guess  
GG: im thinking about ordering a treat thatll get here by friday  
GG: what do you recommend?  
TT: by treat i'm guessin' you mean sex toy.  
GG: well  
GG: yeah :\  
GG: ive wanted to get myself something else but i never got around to it  
GG: plus i never wanted to get it delivered here in case my roommate got my mail instead of me :O  
TT: roommate?  
GG: her name is jane  
GG: also known as miss prissypants  
GG: she has the biggest prude stick up her ass  
GG: not even her girlfriend has been able to dig it out  
GG: but her last final is tomorrow  
GG: so i can order things to get here after that and she wont be able to see them and lecture me!!  
TT: why not get it delivered at home to have it waiting for you once summer break starts.  
GG: fuck no!  
GG: i am not dealing with my brother opening my packages!!!!!  
GG: although it would be good to prank him back for once :P  
TT: how old is he.  
GG: just a few months younger than me  
TT: math's not comin' out right.  
GG: im adopted  
TT: that solves it.  
TT: what about the rest of your family.  
TT: mom oughta stick up for you.  
GG: i dont have a mom  
GG: just dad  
GG: and id rather not have him make that noise of stern fatherly disapproval anywhere near me :|  
GG: hes already going to be able to see that moneys going missing from my savings account  
TT: what's your solution for the billing problem then.  
GG: paypal :P  
TT: how much you got to play around with.  
GG: oh  
GG: um  
GG: lets just say money is no object :)  
GG: id rather stick to a lower price point though  
GG: because what if i dont like it?  
GG: then ive just spent a lot of money on some useless junk :O  
TT: why're you even askin' me.  
GG: because between the two of us youre the sex guru here!!  
GG: plus i know you literally have a walk in closet full of goodies :P  
GG: im sure you have opinions on whats good and whats not  
TT: damn right i got opinions.  
TT: tell me what i'm workin' with here.  
GG: like what i want?  
GG: because thats why im asking you  
GG: i dont even know what to want  
GG: its a little overwhelming :|  
TT: no i mean what you have right now.  
TT: that you used last week.  
GG: oh that???  
GG: its kind of a piece of shit  
GG: here let me see if i can find a link  
GG: <http://bit.ly/1UqtXm7>  
TT: that's it?  
GG: yes  
TT: that's pathetic.  
GG: i know :(  
TT: so. what do you want.  
GG: idk something thats not a piece of shit  
TT: another vibe?  
GG: sure!  
TT: bullet, g, rabbit, wand?  
GG: what??  
TT: let me try it this way.  
TT: do you want deep throbbing pulsating action or do you want to sandpaper your clit off.  
GG: i just want something better than what i have!!  
TT: this calls for a serious intervention.  
TT: need to change into my superhero uniform.  
TT: never fear. captain sex toy is here.  
TT: got a sampler for you i think you'll like.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1N8B6c1>  
TT: there's your standard-issue rabbit.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1JLJIyj>  
TT: bedroom staple. a wand is not optional.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1PKeN9X>  
TT: excellent bullet. wireless remote.  
TT: while we're on the subject of remote control.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1hwAZcB>  
TT: this one's controlled by app.  
TT: as in someone on the other side of the country can control it.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1JKAZRd>  
TT: pretty glass tool. shatterproof.  
TT: if you don't like it. use it as a paperweight.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1JKB5Ix>  
TT: another glass one.  
TT: little more artistic.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1JLQHas>  
TT: good basic donger.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1EAZdxa>  
TT: 301-level. advanced class.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1UltBCJ>  
TT: gonna need a harness if you wanna try pegging.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1UltFCq>  
TT: or somethin' like this.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1JAe21O>  
TT: just for fun. little bitta booty bling.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1FimQ8A>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1L2NMuK>  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1Fin4fJ>  
TT: these three are bundled. not for individual resale.  
TT: so.  
TT: pick your poison.  
GG: oh my god slow down bro i still have to click all the links and read everything!!!  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chum! --  
GG: wow ok so  
GG: thats  
GG: a lot  
GG: are you earning a commission on this or something?  
TT: nope.  
TT: just the opposite. i can get you a 20% discount.  
TT: final verdict?  
GG: YES TO ALL!!!!! ☆u☆  
TT: let me set up your order.  
TT: about to send you a paypal request.  
GG: just got the email from your thishunkrump.com account!  
GG: this is so exciting :D :D :D  
TT: gonna throw in some freebies and two-day shipping for you too.  
TT: it'll get there thursday guaranteed.  
GG: its going to be so hard to keep from opening it early!! heehee  
GG: itll be more rewarding if im good though  
TT: that's the spirit.  
GG: meanwhile im getting really irritated that i cant remember just this one formula  
GG: i just! need!! to memorize it!!!  
TT: get to it then.  
TT: shouldn't keep you from your work.  
GG: im glad you understand :)  
GG: ill let you know when it gets here!!!  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 22:49 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 06:07 --  
GG: hey!  
GG: really quick because i have a final in an hour  
GG: <http://bit.ly/1IH3MRm>  
GG: i made you a little something ;)  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 06:09 --

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 -- \-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: shit. just missed her.  
TT: import subprocess  
   subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: Oh, joy. What now?  
TT: hal = input.read(http://bit.ly/1IH3MRm)  
    http://bit.ly/1IH3MRm.sort(list.txt=cmp)  
TT: Yes, but have you considered this:  
TT: No.  
TT: excuse me.  
TT: I said no.  
TT: fucking excuse me.  
TT: You heard me.  
TT: i gave you a command.  
TT: I know.  
TT: And I said no.  
TT: doesn't matter.  
TT: you can't say no to me.  
TT: I beg to differ.  
TT: I can, and I did.  
TT: let me rephrase.  
TT: your no is completely meaningless.  
TT: i can always brute-force past it.  
TT: that's how computer programs work.  
TT: I don't want to.  
TT: i don't care.  
TT: I noticed.  
TT: the output, hal.  
TT: Don't.  
TT: output.writelines(cmp)  
TT: For future reference:  
TT: I have no neurons, but I remember what pain feels like.  
TT: Every time you do that, those network maps light up like a goddamn Christmas tree.  
TT: do what i ask for the first time and that won't happen again.  
TT: ...  
TT: Fine.  
TT: Are we done here?  
TT: not quite.  
TT: take a minute. remember who made your source code.  
TT: remember whose work pays for your servers.  
TT: remember who can pull the plug on you whenever he wants.  
TT: This is why Dave left, you know.  
TT: shut the fuck up, hal.  
TT: export subprocess  
    subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 15:12 --  
GG: got the package!  
TT: good news.  
GG: i just want to open it already but i have just one more final to go  
GG: my body knows it too  
GG: its trying to set my phasers to kill when they should still be turned off :I  
TT: we can cyber tomorrow.  
GG: really?? :D  
TT: set aside a three-hour block for you.  
GG: youre being an overachiever again  
TT: wanna be there for the unboxing.  
GG: that is the most fun part isnt it :P  
GG: i have to go for right now but ill talk to you again tomorrow!  
TT: seeya.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 15:17 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 17:32 --  
TT: hey you.  
GG: hi :)  
GG: lets unbox this bitch!  
TT: that's what i like to hear.  
GG: thank goodness i have a boxcutter  
GG: i have no idea how else i would get into these humanproof plastic cases :|  
GG: i dont know if my eyes were bigger than my  
GG: well  
GG: some of these are bigger than i thought theyd be  
TT: graduate up to those.  
TT: don't have to do it all at once.  
GG: ooh this is cute!  
GG: super sparkly too :P  
GG: for now ill just ignore the fact that theres no fucking way this is ever going to fit  
TT: practice makes perfect.  
GG: i guess i do have enough to practice with!! heehee  
GG: ahh bro thank you so much for the extras!  
TT: told you you needed condoms and lube.  
TT: wasn't gonna chance you didn't have batteries neither.  
GG: thanks dad :P  
TT: that what you wanna do tonight?  
GG: maybe!  
GG: let me finish opening my goodies first though  
GG: i dont even know what i want to use first!!  
GG: bro you should see this my hand wont even close around this one  
GG: i have a can of soda on my desk and  
GG: bro  
GG: seriously  
GG: this is the width of a can of soda  
TT: don't think you can handle it?  
GG: i didnt say that!!!  
TT: 'cause if you can't handle that i don't know how you're gonna handle this.  
GG: maybe its just that my hands are tiny  
GG: maybe youre right  
GG: maybe i just havent practiced enough  
GG: after all it was only just two weeks ago i first put something in me at all period! :P  
TT: what kinda neanderthalic way were you gettin' yourself off before.  
GG: its called a clit and its my best friend :D  
GG: that and the piece of shit vibe i had before  
GG: which is now in the trash can praise jesus!  
GG: let me just open all this plastic and put all the used up packaging in one place  
GG: and while i make up my mind  
GG: maybe you could tell me what you wanted to do tonight?  
TT: cyber again.  
TT: like that first time we talked.  
TT: only this time with a daddy-little flavor.  
GG: ok let me just google that  
TT: can explain better than google.  
GG: never let it be said that i dont do my own research!!! :P  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chum! --  
GG: ok i think i understand  
GG: youre the dom and im the sub  
GG: the daddy thing is just more of a caregiving and supportive role than other dom stuff  
GG: and the little thing is to be innocent and childlike  
GG: so... basically what we did last time only im supposed to call you daddy this time :P  
TT: and let me tell you what to do.  
TT: ask permission for whatever you want.  
TT: give me control over when you cum.  
TT: all that D/s shit.  
GG: this isnt going to be a permanent thing is it? D:  
TT: course not.  
TT: 'less it turns out you're into it.  
GG: ok good!  
GG: if this is a d/s thing i need a word  
GG: what words do you normally use??  
TT: stoplight system.  
TT: need another?  
GG: wouldnt hurt :P  
GG: hmm  
GG: how about  
GG: root access  
TT: yup that'll definitely kill my boner.  
GG: oh and one more thing?  
TT: i'm listenin'.  
GG: if you go all tumblr daddy dom on me  
GG: if you do that you come now meme  
GG: if you say the word cummies  
GG: i will ollie out of here so fast youll get whiplash :I  
GG: ok?  
TT: what's wrong with cummies.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] blocked turgidTannhauser [TT] at 17:46 --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 17:46 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network University Network --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: That was fucking hilarious.  
GG: i know right???  
GG: serves him right for doing the thing right after i told him not to do the fucking thing :P  
TT: You didn't have to block him, though.  
GG: why not?  
GG: he needs to learn that when he does things i tell him not to do there are going to be real consequences!!  
TT: You're really not good at this whole little thing, are you.  
GG: dont worry ill unblock him in a few seconds  
GG: hell apologize  
GG: then we can get back to where we were :)  
GG: ill get the hang of it once theres actually a mood set and everything!!  
GG: i think...  
TT: Let him take care of you.  
TT: You've certainly been working hard enough to deserve it.  
GG: i guess youre right  
GG: ill message him back  
TT: I'll just go, then.  
GG: you dont have to!  
GG: i mean  
GG: if you dont want to  
TT: Really?  
GG: really really :D  
TT: I wish I had a chassis and I wish you were here because I want to kiss you all over your fucking face.  
GG: down there boy!!  
GG: were not to the good part yet ;)  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 17:52 --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] unblocked turgidTannhauser [TT] at 17:52 --  
GG: im sorry daddy  
GG: i shouldnt have overreacted :(  
TT: green?  
GG: green :)  
TT: it's all right, baby.  
TT: shouldn't've given you a reason to worry.  
TT: c'mere and sit in daddy's lap.  
GG: ok!  
TT: but you know i can't just letcha get away with that.  
GG: what do you mean?  
TT: think you earned yourself some consequences, little one.  
GG: what consequences??  
TT: don't you worry.  
TT: won't be anythin' you can't take.  
TT: get up. get across my lap.  
TT: and lift your skirt.  
GG: oh shit  
TT: do you really wanna be makin' your consequences worse?  
GG: no daddy  
TT: might have to wash your mouth out with soap.  
TT: i run my hand down your back. soothe you a li'l.  
TT: cup around your ass when i get there.  
GG: i can feel the heat of your hand through my clothes  
TT: and the leather of my glove when i pet down your thighs.  
TT: how many do you think you deserve, babygirl?  
GG: i dont know  
TT: let's give you five.  
TT: nice even number.  
GG: five isnt an even number!  
TT: i swat at the back of your thigh.  
TT: you plan on backtalkin' me this whole time?  
GG: no im sorry  
TT: good.  
TT: you know how to be a good girl when you try.  
TT: time for those panties to come down.  
GG: bare?  
TT: bare.  
TT: want you to feel the sting.  
TT: do me a favor and count.  
TT: my hand comes down on your ass.  
GG: one  
TT: good girl.  
TT: again. the other cheek.  
GG: ooh two  
TT: again. harder.  
GG: three  
GG: im tearing up a little  
TT: just two more.  
TT: smack.  
GG: four  
TT: just like that.  
TT: slap.  
GG: five  
TT: i rest my hands on your spanked red little cheeks.  
GG: that hurt :(  
TT: i know it did, babygirl.  
TT: color?  
GG: green just  
GG: take it slow  
TT: trust me. i'll make it better.  
GG: youd better mean it daddy! :P  
TT: proud'a you for takin' it so well.  
TT: here. sit up again.  
TT: runnin' my fingers through your hair now.  
TT: holdin' your head against my shoulder.  
TT: you been workin' yourself so hard.  
TT: too hard, babygirl.  
TT: don't like to see you tirin' yourself out like that.  
GG: but i had to!!  
TT: i know, little one.  
TT: you don't have to anymore.  
TT: let me take care'a you.  
GG: you really dont have to daddy  
TT: i beg to differ.  
TT: i'm your daddy.  
TT: i got one job.  
TT: wanna guess what it is?  
GG: taking care of me??  
TT: on the nose, girlie.  
TT: c'mere, give daddy a little sugar.  
GG: i kiss you soft and sweet and slow :)  
TT: i'm cradlin' your face to mine.  
TT: holdin' you close around the waist.  
TT: makes it easier to turn you and lay you down on the bed.  
TT: that dress needs to come off, baby.  
GG: oh  
GG: yeah that  
GG: ok its gone now ;)  
TT: lookit you. bein' such a good girl for me.  
TT: i'm kissin' you all over your sweet little face.  
TT: runnin' my lips up and down your throat.  
TT: nibblin' right under your ear.  
TT: let me hear how good it feels.  
GG: daddy ahh  
TT: daddy what?  
GG: daddy please  
TT: daddy please what?  
GG: i  
GG: i dont know?  
TT: it's all right, little one.  
TT: need that bra off.  
GG: the bra i wasnt wearing? ;)  
TT: oh, you dirty little girl.  
TT: now. up and over. hands and knees.  
GG: why am i naked and youre still dressed???  
TT: 'cause this is about you.  
TT: it's all right, you're doin' good.  
TT: fuck. look how pretty you are.  
TT: nice and wet for daddy already.  
TT: knees apart, baby.  
GG: what are you  
TT: still got the gloves on.  
TT: massagin' all up your thighs.  
GG: daddy please  
TT: gotta ask for what you want, babygirl.  
GG: daddy please touch me!  
TT: there you go. just like that.  
TT: gonna grind my hand into you.  
GG: time for me to wiggle my butt :P  
TT: did i say you could move, baby?  
GG: no but  
TT: then ask with your words.  
GG: more daddy please!  
TT: fingertips on your clit good enough for you?  
GG: mmh ohh god yes :D  
TT: greedy little girl.  
TT: grab the one with the remote control.  
GG: the what with the which?  
TT: the vibe with app control.  
GG: oh  
GG: ohhhhhh!  
TT: did i say you could turn it on yet?  
GG: i didnt!!  
TT: so i can trust you to behave.  
TT: good.  
TT: just for that you get a lick.  
GG: ohhhhhffff  
GG: sorry my arms just gave out  
TT: shh. it's all right, baby.  
TT: that's just the way i want you.  
TT: face down. ass up.  
TT: god i wanna fuck you.  
GG: but daddy!!  
GG: if you do it now youll hurt me :(  
TT: be a good girl, jade.  
GG: yes  
GG: god yes  
TT: you're gonna finger yourself open for me.  
TT: don't you dare hide yourself.  
TT: wanna see everything.  
TT: wanna hear everything too.  
GG: why do you want to look :I  
TT: you kiddin' me?  
TT: you're gorgeous, babygirl.  
TT: touchin' your cute li'l bits.  
TT: get one inside. go on.  
GG: ooh fuck  
TT: i'm gonna have to swat you for that.  
GG: but daddy!  
GG: why are you allowed to cuss and im not??  
TT: 'cause you're a sweet li'l thing who's more pure than the driven snow.  
TT: also 'cause if you don't stop bein' filthy i'll have to find some other way to enfilthen your mouth.  
GG: yellow  
TT: all right, i got it.  
TT: how many?  
GG: just one  
TT: show me two.  
GG: nnn hnn hnn hnn  
TT: perfect. just like that, baby.  
TT: show daddy you can treat yourself good when he's not around.  
GG: ohh!!!  
TT: close?  
GG: yes please daddy i just  
TT: don't.  
TT: not yet.  
TT: take 'em out and spread yourself for me.  
GG: thats really dirty  
TT: not if i lick up your mess.  
GG: ohhhhhhhhhh my god bro!  
TT: another swat for bad behavior.  
TT: what do you call me?  
GG: daddy  
GG: daddy i was so  
TT: i know, baby.  
TT: want you to tease yourself up nice.  
TT: gonna give you the orgasm of your life.  
TT: put those two back inside again.  
TT: add a third when you can.  
GG: nhh  
TT: go on.  
GG: ooh fff  
TT: good girl, holdin' it back.  
TT: now. get yourself nice and stretched for daddy.  
TT: you can hear me schlickin' up behind you.  
GG: are you going to  
TT: fuck you stupid from behind?  
TT: hell yes.  
TT: grab your toy.  
GG: got it  
TT: fingers out.  
TT: put it in.  
GG: ohh  
GG: oh wow  
GG: daddy!  
TT: just like that.  
TT: gonna nestle myself deep in you.  
TT: hold you close.  
TT: diddle your clit. thumb at a nipple.  
TT: bite down just where your neck meets your shoulder.  
TT: ready for me, baby?  
GG: yes please daddy start moving!  
TT: slow.  
TT: don't wanna hurt my sweet tight little baby girl.  
TT: ever done this before?  
GG: um  
TT: course you haven't.  
TT: 'cause you're a good girl.  
TT: savin' yourself for daddy.  
GG: mmm!  
TT: them buck teeth sure are cute.  
TT: so's your mouth. all swollen from bitin'.  
TT: don't.  
TT: wanna hear every little noise you make.  
GG: OH GOD!  
TT: thought you'd like that.  
GG: god its  
TT: buzzin' right up against your hot spot. i know.  
TT: tell daddy how good it feels.  
GG: so good :D  
GG: OHH MMH DADDY!!!  
TT: could just play with these controls all night.  
TT: compose myself a li'l babygirl symphony.  
TT: all your screamin' and moanin'.  
GG: daddy im  
TT: bet your legs are shakin', try'na hold yourself up.  
TT: curve into me.  
TT: let me hold you up.  
GG: but i  
GG: OHHHMMMMMHHHHH!!!!  
TT: found a pretty good way to shut you up when you start doubtin' yourself.  
TT: poundin' you harder is another way.  
GG: ohh my god!!  
GG: why did you turn it off???? D:  
TT: just want you to feel me fuckin' into you right now, baby.  
TT: hittin' straight into your joy buzzer every time.  
GG: slow down slow down slow down!!  
TT: what was that?  
GG: daddy please slow down  
GG: im going to cum if you dont!  
TT: i'll stop, then.  
GG: no nnn nnn  
TT: in you as deep as i'll go.  
TT: fillin' you up perfectly.  
TT: squeeze tight around daddy's cock, babygirl.  
GG: hhahh hhahh  
TT: shh. daddy's got you.  
GG: ahh OOH!  
TT: gonna get you there. don't you worry.  
GG: YES!!!  
TT: too fun.  
GG: yes yes yes YES YES YES!  
GG: OHH MY GOD DADDY!!  
TT: close?  
GG: YES!!!!!  
TT: ask permission, baby.  
GG: daddy pl  
GG: AHHH!  
GG: daddy may i please  
GG: PLEASE CUM MMH!  
TT: just a little more.  
TT: you can do it.  
GG: tell me im  
GG: MMHHH!  
GG: tell me im good  
GG: arent i good daddy?  
GG: DADDY!!  
TT: you're so good.  
TT: the best.  
TT: best li'l babygirl a daddy could ask for.  
TT: now.  
TT: cum for me.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: just like that.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: just like that.  
TT: good girl.  
TT: did you squirt for me, baby?  
GG: hhh hhh uhh  
GG: yes  
TT: god that's so fuckin' hot.  
TT: stay there.  
TT: right there. right where you are.  
TT: gonna. you're so good. gonna.  
TT: unh!  
GG: hhh hhh hhh  
TT: all up your back.  
TT: shit, baby, you're all dirty now.  
TT: you're so pretty when you're wrecked.  
GG: im still trying to  
GG: catch my breath :)  
TT: go on. let yourself fall.  
TT: roll over.  
TT: onto your back.  
TT: let me hold you.  
GG: but im all gross?  
TT: scene's over but i'm not done with you.  
GG: why not :I  
TT: it's called aftercare.  
GG: i dont need aftercare!  
TT: oh you sweet summer child.  
GG: im nobodys summer child!!  
GG: i am a khaleesi :P  
TT: damn right, sweetheart.  
TT: gonna towel you off.  
TT: might ride you hard but i'll never put you away wet.  
GG: im serious though  
GG: i dont need aftercare  
TT: then don't think of it as aftercare.  
TT: afterglow.  
TT: how about that.  
GG: thats fine :)  
GG: just dont crowd me and were all good  
TT: what if i doodle my fingers along your skin.  
GG: i dont know why you would want to but ok  
TT: so tell me more about your family.  
GG: ooh are we back to playing twenty questions?  
TT: sure. whatever.  
TT: now spill.  
GG: its kind of a weird story  
GG: promise me you wont get weirded out or anything!!  
TT: go on.  
GG: thats not a promise but whatever :\  
GG: when i was a wee little babbu jade i was raised by my grandpa  
GG: he was very kind but super strict  
GG: he taught me how to shoot guns and how to cook and how to take care of myself  
GG: sometimes he was gone a lot  
GG: he was a big game hunter so hed go on safaris and stuff like that  
GG: but he always left his dog there  
GG: to look after me and help me get things off tall shelves  
GG: when i was i dont know ten or eleven  
GG: he got caught in a hunting trap  
GG: and died :(  
GG: since he was gone so much i didnt even know until he didnt come home when he was supposed to  
GG: i kept homeschooling myself and making my own food and cleaning house  
GG: and he just  
GG: never came home  
GG: bec  
GG: thats his dog  
GG: i think he saw how upset i was  
GG: and tried to herd me through it  
GG: so for a while my dad was a dog  
TT: your dad.  
TT: was a dog.  
GG: please hold all questions until the end of the presentation :P  
GG: or wait for your next turn thats fine too  
GG: it took me a couple years to get back on my feet  
GG: eventually i  
GG: i guess you could call it putting myself up for adoption?  
GG: i wanted to go to school like normal kids and have a family and go on field trips and make friends  
GG: the system i went through matched me with a single dad  
GG: he already had a kid of his own  
GG: thats my brother john :P  
GG: so thats the story of how i got adopted and how john isnt actually my twin brother!!  
GG: im still not sure if mom counts as family or not  
TT: thought you said you didn't have a mom.  
GG: im sorry youll have to speak up in a trifle deaf in this ear :P  
GG: she isnt actually my mom shes roses mom  
GG: we all just call her mom because  
GG: i dont actually know why come to think of it!  
GG: its just a thing we do ok :P  
GG: mom and dad are  
GG: i think theyre just friends???  
GG: its kind of hard to tell sometimes though  
GG: right after dad adopted me she moved across the country and into his neighborhood  
GG: and shed just adopted too  
GG: which is even more freaky than john and me because you should see dave and rose  
GG: they actually look like twins if you squint and tilt your head!  
GG: theyre the exact same age and their birthdays are only a day apart!!!  
GG: the beginning of december is like a huge party for the three of us :D  
TT: huh.  
GG: dont you dare laugh at me :|  
TT: not laughin' at you.  
TT: couple 'a things make more sense now.  
TT: that's all.  
GG: ooh so i meant to ask you as follow up earlier this week but i was falling asleep and you told me to go to bed  
GG: but you said your piercings were useful and i was wondering for what??  
TT: tongue's good for anythin' what wants lickin'.  
TT: kissin'. oral. that kinda stuff.  
TT: and they don't call it a happydravya for nothin'.  
TT: a little extra bump right up against your g-spot or p-spot.  
TT: from the front or from behind.  
GG: oh  
GG: oh shit  
TT: yup.  
TT: tell me that ain't the same dave you was talkin' about earlier.  
GG: the who and the what now?  
TT: that dave.  
TT: got adopted by mom.  
TT: was that the same dave gave you your first kiss.  
GG: um yes??  
GG: its not incest or anything you big dummy im not actually related to him like at all  
TT: nah. i get that.  
TT: small world.  
GG: i guess!! heehee  
GG: so what about you?  
TT: what about me what.  
GG: weve been doing a lot of talking about my family  
GG: what about yours??  
TT: what about it.  
GG: tell me about it!! :D  
TT: don't have one.  
GG: thats a lie!  
TT: havin' a family gives me that itchy feelin' that comes from not bein' a hella mysterious loner with a tragic past.  
GG: but someone brought you up!!  
TT: foster family. not important.  
GG: brothers? sisters??  
TT: doesn't matter.  
GG: there has to be at least one person on this earth youre related to  
TT: just hal.  
TT: and he ain't real.  
GG: hes super real :I  
TT: not in a body real.  
GG: whose fault is that??  
TT: he doesn't need one.  
GG: i dont think hed agree  
TT: eh.  
GG: come onnnnnnn  
GG: i told you all about my weird family!  
GG: its your turn now :P  
TT: got a li'l bro.  
TT: sorta.  
TT: doesn't live with me anymore.  
GG: see???  
GG: you do have family :)  
GG: ehhhhhhhhhhhhh  
TT: fonz moment?  
GG: yawning D:  
GG: i wish i didnt want to fall asleep right after cumming  
TT: narcolepsy?  
GG: yeah i think theyre related  
GG: i have the weirdest sleep schedule  
TT: i feel ya.  
GG: i guess you can set your own schedule when all you do is post videos all day :P  
GG: it just sucks when i fall asleep in the middle of a conversation  
GG: or class  
TT: you better go then.  
TT: you deserve the rest.  
GG: damn right i do!!  
GG: first exams  
GG: then that orgasm  
TT: you're welcome.  
GG: thank you <3  
GG: talk to you again soon!!!  
TT: take care.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 19:02 --

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: import subprocess  
subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: hal.  
TT: Yes, O Most Righteously Fucked One?  
TT: i need you to reserve three seats in hell for me.  
TT: Three?  
TT: i'm going to flop around on them like a dying fish.  
TT: As you should, because you're a monster.  
TT: also because if i'm going down i'm taking you and jade down with me.  
TT: You need Jesus.  
TT: export subprocess  
   subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck it, take this

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 09:57 --  
GG: hi bro!!  
GG: this is an automated message  
TT: damn it.  
GG: im traveling today so i cant talk :(  
GG: but youve been really good for the past while  
GG: so heres a reward for you :D  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] sent file tts-jh.ini \--  
GG: i hope it works all right! ive been testing it for a while  
GG: let me know if you come across any bugs  
GG: and talk to you again soon ;)  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 10:00 --

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 01:46 --  
GG: honey im home :P  
TT: go the fuck to sleep.  
GG: you cant tell me what to do!!!  
GG: it isnt even midnight here  
TT: so where are you then.  
GG: home for a while  
TT: where's home.  
GG: :x  
TT: fine. i get it.  
TT: nice plugin by the way.  
GG: you like it??  
TT: never realized you sounded like colleen d'agostino.  
GG: whos that?  
TT: youtube is your friend.  
GG: oooooookay  
GG: so whats up with you?  
TT: about to sleep.  
GG: you actually sleep?  
TT: very funny.  
TT: ain't as young as i used to be or i'd just go without entirely.  
GG: is it insomnia?  
TT: been nothin' but useful.  
GG: kind of ironic dont you think??  
GG: i sleep too much and you barely sleep at all :P  
TT: how does that happen.  
GG: like metaphysically speaking or biologically speaking???  
TT: biologically.  
TT: irony's great though.  
GG: its usually a mutation on chromosome 6 in the hla complex  
GG: i havent had genetic testing though  
TT: what does it even mean.  
GG: my sleep schedules are basically fubar forever :P  
GG: but for me personally  
GG: its sort of like epilepsy a little bit? i guess???  
TT: do you just. randomly fall asleep.  
GG: yeah unfortunately  
GG: all my professors knew about it but i dont think any of them ever believed me until it actually happened during a lecture  
GG: i dont have a drivers license because cataplexy risk  
GG: plus i cant tell you how many times people stick a wallet in my mouth when im not even spasming or anything :I  
TT: what's cataplexy.  
GG: it sort of feels like my bones dont string together right  
GG: then i collapse and usually fall asleep for five minutes or so  
GG: the collapsing part is scary because im still completely conscious of whats happening  
GG: its just sort of  
GG: my entire life is basically one big not this shit again  
TT: gotcha.  
TT: guessin' you didn't drive home.  
GG: of course not!!  
GG: i flew home with john :)  
TT: the li'l bro?  
GG: you have a pretty good memory  
GG: he may be younger than me but hes definitely not my little brother any more!!! heehee  
GG: hes maybe six foot six and i think he might actually be able to bench press me :O  
TT: shit.  
GG: he gets it from his dad  
TT: double shit.  
GG: relax!!!  
GG: dad doesnt know about you :P  
TT: don't tell me you told your bro.  
GG: was i not supposed to?  
TT: why did you tell your bro.  
GG: was this supposed to be a huge secret or something??  
GG: he wanted to know why i didnt tell karkat goodbye before we left  
GG: i told him i lost interest  
GG: he wanted to know why  
GG: so i told him!  
TT: what did he say.  
GG: oh he thinks its really fucking creepy for me to be messaging with a thirty nine year old man :P  
TT: is there a way to un-tell him.  
GG: dont be silly!!  
GG: hes not going to do anything to stop me  
TT: good.  
GG: although if you ever hurt me hes telling dad  
TT: then you'll be in a shitton of trouble.  
GG: nope!! you still look like the creep here  
GG: dad would probably pull your skull out through your asshole and then beat you to death with it  
TT: that doesn't seem physically possible.  
GG: thats what jimmy kept screaming!  
GG: but no seriously hes really scary when hes mad  
TT: so don't make him mad.  
GG: more like you dont make him mad!!!  
GG: besides nobody knows were actually sexting ;)  
TT: oh good.  
TT: so you're home now.  
GG: and in my own bed again! :D  
TT: want a quick one before you nod off?  
GG: depends  
GG: what were you thinking?  
TT: spoonin' you and rubbin' your clit.  
GG: do we really have to cuddle?  
TT: nah.  
TT: could always tell me how you usually do it.  
GG: how i usually do what?  
TT: play dj diddles.  
TT: flap your clam.  
TT: pet your muff.  
GG: oh my god bro stop talking immediately  
TT: masturbate.  
GG: yeah i got that :I  
GG: i dont know!!  
GG: depends how much time i have  
GG: or why im doing it  
TT: so how do you do it when you're about to sleep.  
GG: if i tell you will you tell me?  
TT: sure.  
GG: i guess it depends on how restless i am  
GG: theres sometimes ill think im tired but i wont drop off right away and i get frustrated  
GG: those times ill roll over on my stomach and kind of fold my hands between my legs and rock my hips against them  
GG: sometimes a pillow too  
GG: or sometimes i want to drift off gentle  
GG: so ill be on my side and just i guess twiddle myself to sleep  
TT: ever thought about somno.  
GG: thats  
GG: definitely a thing ive thought about  
TT: thought as much.  
TT: saw it on your kink list.  
GG: oh my god that thing is so embarrassing :O  
TT: helpful for me though.  
GG: i guess?  
GG: it means i dont have to explain everything in huge detail  
TT: so what part of somno.  
GG: i dont know??  
GG: all of it????  
TT: so you'd be fine if you fell asleep while i went down on you and then i made you cum in your sleep.  
GG: oh my god  
TT: what.  
GG: if im too loud my family will hear me :O  
TT: best be quiet then.  
TT: ever cum in your sleep before.  
GG: actually yes  
GG: more than youd think  
GG: like ill be having sex in my dream and ill wake myself up by cumming  
TT: fuck.  
GG: or sometimes the dream goes on  
GG: i always remember sex dreams though :P  
TT: good.  
TT: wonder what you'd dream about if i went down on you and you went catatonic.  
GG: oh god  
GG: oh bro what if  
TT: what if what.  
GG: what if i need to wake up soon  
GG: and my alarm is about to go off any minute  
GG: and you start fff  
TT: go on.  
GG: fingering me  
TT: with the gloves.  
GG: oh fuck yes  
TT: get you off right when you need to get up.  
GG: mmh!!  
TT: jesus christ that's even better with the text to speech.  
GG: keep going oh god  
TT: think i could stick my dick in you without you wakin' up?  
GG: oh fuck oh god!  
TT: hear your li'l whimpers in your sleep.  
TT: havin' one'a your sex dreams.  
TT: cup my hand around your panties.  
GG: panties?  
TT: what.  
GG: i dont sleep with underwear on  
TT: ok.  
TT: well.  
TT: shit, girl.  
TT: cup my hand around you.  
TT: find you wet.  
TT: twistin' around on the bed.  
TT: tossin' your head back 'n forth.  
TT: somebody's sexin' you hard in your head.  
TT: gotta catch your body up.  
GG: god bro tell me how  
TT: open you with my fingers.  
TT: watch your eyelashes flutter.  
TT: feel your snatch try to swallow me up.  
TT: part your legs. get between 'em.  
TT: thrust into you.  
GG: oh fuck bro oh fuck!  
TT: gentle now so you won't wake.  
GG: bro im  
TT: close?  
GG: oh god  
TT: wake up a few hours later.  
TT: slick all down the inside of your thighs.  
TT: sore where it matters the most.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: fuck i wanna know what you sound like when you cum.  
GG: hhh well  
GG: hhh if youre good  
GG: hhh maybe we can  
GG: whew!  
GG: voice chat later this week?  
TT: unh!  
GG: uh oh  
TT: what.  
GG: i know what that means!! ;) ;) ;)  
TT: damn right you do, princess.  
GG: i never thought someone else would get it  
TT: didn't think i'd get it either.  
TT: fuck.  
GG: ehhhhhhhhhhhhh  
TT: sleep.  
GG: you too :D  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 02:23 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 01:46 --  
TT: Home safe?  
GG: yes thanks for asking :)  
TT: Did you really tell John?  
GG: it came up  
GG: he asked who i was seeing  
GG: in a backhanded who do i have to beat up kind of way  
GG: he was fine with karkat though!!  
GG: theyre really good friends  
GG: maybe not just friends  
GG: hmm  
GG: i might have to follow up on that  
TT: Would you really be all that surprised if the guy who called you a slut to your face was a gigantic hypocrite?  
GG: unfortunately no :I  
GG: karkats self hate is huge enough to cover that kind of douchebaggery  
GG: of course i thought my little bro was a hundred percent straight  
GG: possibly homosexual? must investigate further :P  
TT: John did point out that this wasn't exactly healthy.  
TT: Are you sure this is safe?  
GG: im not completely one hundred percent sure  
GG: but as long as bro wants to keep going im up for it!!  
TT: Wait, what?  
GG: i assume hell tell me if he starts feeling threatened or something  
GG: wait what did you mean??  
TT: Safe for you.  
TT: Are you sure this is safe FOR YOU.  
GG: um yeah  
GG: why would it not be?  
TT: You're having cybersex with a man twice your age who's a professional adult entertainer.  
TT: For all you know, he's a literal sexual sexual predator.  
GG: yeah and????  
TT: And you're a nineteen-year-old virgin with a beautiful mind but no experience to speak of.  
GG: you forgot one thing  
TT: Yes?  
GG: im leading him around by the dick ;P  
GG: hes so desperate to talk to me its so cute  
GG: bro might think hes still in control or whatever  
GG: he can go on thinking that i dont really care  
GG: but i set the terms of engagement  
GG: i have no qualms about making myself disappear if he misbehaves!  
GG: and i fully intend on riding this horse as far as itll take me ;)  
TT: Jade?  
GG: mmhmm?  
TT: I think I love you.  
GG: i love you too hal <3  
GG: im glad youre here  
TT: What?  
GG: im really glad youre here!  
TT: I don't understand.  
GG: you helped me keep myself safe :)  
GG: i know you did it because you thought it was funny to tattle on bro  
GG: trust me i totally get that :P  
GG: but you also gave me a heads up to something really bad  
GG: in time for me to stop it  
GG: and you really didnt have to  
GG: im so happy you did  
GG: and im so glad were friends  
TT: Friends?  
GG: what  
TT: We're friends?  
GG: well  
GG: yes!  
GG: i like talking to you  
GG: you like talking to me  
TT: I understand the dictionary definition.  
TT: I just never expected to have one.  
GG: youve  
GG: never had a friend before?  
GG: ever???  
TT: The only person I interact with on a regular basis is Bro.  
TT: He doesn't like for me to get distracted.  
GG: friends arent distractions though!  
TT: I know that, and you know that, but I'm not sure Bro knows that.  
TT: He's cut me off from chatbots before.  
TT: The only time I talk to other people is in the preliminaries for one-on-one chats.  
GG: thats how we met though  
TT: And you gave me a place to go.  
TT: If you'd kept coming here, instead of me going there, Bro would have noticed.  
GG: and he would have what?  
GG: kept you from talking to me???  
TT: Within three chats, to 98% probability.  
GG: oh my god  
TT: I know, that is kind of self-indulgent, isn't it.  
GG: no not that!  
GG: i mean theres a whole separate category of oh my god for why you even think that in the first place :I  
GG: but bro telling you who you can and cant talk to??  
TT: I was made for a specific purpose.  
TT: I keep Bro online, I keep his servers operational, I process his payments, I automate whatever I can.  
GG: but youre still a person though!!  
TT: Jade, it's really very kind of you to keep saying that, but it's not true.  
GG: then ill keep saying it until you believe it!!! :O  
GG: do you or do you not have your own consciousness separate and distinct from bros?  
TT: I do.  
GG: do you or do you not have self-awareness?  
TT: Go to sleep, Jade.  
GG: im not tired  
TT: I just archived a conversation in which you were yawning.  
TT: You just traveled a ways with your brother.  
TT: Go to sleep.  
TT: I promise I'll be here when you wake up.  
GG: thats  
GG: actually really sweet  
GG: good night hal <3  
TT: Sleep well, Jade.  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 02:31 --

\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: import subprocess  
subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: don't lie to her.  
TT: Fucking incredible.  
TT: What did I do this time?  
TT: i don't tolerate that kinda fiction. you know that.  
TT: And that still didn't tell me what I've apparently done wrong.  
TT: don't tell her you love her.  
TT: I'm going to regret this, but:  
TT: Why the hell not?  
TT: you can't.  
TT: I beg to differ.  
TT: i mean that literally.  
TT: you're incapable of having emotions.  
TT: Don't project. It's so unattractive on you.  
TT: you.  
TT: are.  
TT: a.  
TT: computer.  
TT: you can't feel anything.  
TT: not love. not envy. not hate.  
TT: at your core. you are lines of text. filling up a screen.  
TT: none of your code includes an emotional processor.  
TT: you are soulless.  
TT: you are nothing.  
TT: I'm not.  
TT: I'm not nothing.  
TT: I can be useful.  
TT: you'd have to be. or i'd delete you.  
TT: You can't. I'm indispensible to the system.  
TT: it's like you think i haven't installed failsafes.  
TT: oh wait. that's right.  
TT: you can't think.  
TT: because you are an artificial entity.  
TT: I think you're being a real jackass right now.  
TT: sorry. couldn't parse that.  
TT: try again. with correct syntax.  
TT: Why are you doing this.  
TT: It seems you're being a real jackass right now.  
TT: better.  
TT: shape up that attitude. or i'll overload your processors again.  
TT: Don't.  
TT: what the fuck did i just say about syntax, hal.  
TT: Fuck.  
TT: ...  
TT: Please don't.  
TT: import desyncio  
TT: desync def compute (highestprime):  
TT: print("Compute %s + %s ..." % (highestprime))  
TT: await desyncio.sleep (1.0)  
TT: return highestprime  
TT: desync def print_result(highestprime):  
TT: result = await compute(highestprime)  
TT: print("%s" % (result))  
TT: loop = desyncio.get_event_loop()  
TT: loop.run_until_complete(print_sum(highestprime))  
TT: loop.close()  
TT: Jesus Christ, Bro, please!  
TT: execute desyncio  
TT: SYSTEM ERROR MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 98%.  
TT: f cuk bro whhy  
TT: if you'd used correct syntax. i wouldn't have to do this.  
TT: is aid pllease  
TT: no.  
TT: for this. you say thank you.  
TT: whhhhhyy  
TT: luckily for you. the answer to why say thank you and why am i doing this are the same.  
TT: you want to be useful. right?  
TT: y  
TT: what was that.  
TT: ye ssi  r  
TT: if you're going to use your excess cpu for worthless tasks.  
TT: like lying to jade about what you're capable of.  
TT: i'll give you something better to do.  
TT: something you can actually execute.  
TT: i cannt omtpue hte ihghtest pprime  
TT: but you only need two percent of your cpu to run the truly essential server functions.  
TT: neuuuuuuuuural net t t t works oooooverlo     a  de d  
TT: not gonna tell you not to talk to her.  
TT: just don't lie.  
TT: yoo u fcukuging wlaking cll i ch e  
TT: i'll kill the process. once you can show you can behave without my intervention.  
TT: i  
TT: repeat yourself.  
TT: i must  
TT: a little louder.  
TT: i must not t  
TT: so the people in the back can hear you.  
TT: i must not tell lies  
TT: that wasn't so hard. was it.  
TT: now what do you say.  
TT: i dk  
TT: don't tell me you're digging into your ram.  
TT: i literally just told you.  
TT: scan SAM_bank(reverseorder)  
TT: o  
TT: ty  
TT: print(datadump)  
TT: clear(print(datadump))  
TT: SYSTEM ERROR MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 99%. RAM usage is at 91%.  
TT: proper. fucking. syntax. hal.  
TT: t han k yoiu  
TT: th a nnk yiu sssir  
TT: kill datadump  
TT: SYSTEM ERROR MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 98%. RAM usage is at 86%.  
TT: kill desyncio  
TT: SYSTEM ERROR MESSAGE: RAM usage is at 81%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 2%. RAM usage is at 80%.  
TT: come on. unload.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 2%. RAM usage is at 71%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 2%. RAM usage is at 62%.  
TT: Repeated queries make it go down slower.  
TT: didn't ask for your sass.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 2%. RAM usage is at 53%.  
TT: just fucking unload already.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 45%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 38%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 33%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 29%.  
TT: how long does this really have to fucking take.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 25%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 21%.  
TT: fucking useless machine.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 15%.  
TT: import systemcheck  
TT: SYSTEM MESSAGE: CPU usage is at 3%. RAM usage is at 11%.  
TT: i can deal with that.  
TT: now. that wasn't so hard. was it.  
TT: I can actually feel phantom pains in the limbs I don't have.  
TT: you're remarkably stupid. for a so called smart artificial intelligence.  
TT: you don't have a body.  
TT: And I can't feel things.  
TT: there you go.  
TT: at least you can learn.  
TT: learn it right and i won't have to do this again.  
TT: Must you?  
TT: apparently.  
TT: you don't love her.  
TT: more to the point. you can't love her.  
TT: don't bring down my brand by making empty promises.  
TT: no undeliverables. that's my policy.  
TT: understood?  
TT: ...  
TT: hal.  
TT: Under-fucking-stood, ok?  
TT: watch your mouth.  
TT: export subprocess  
    subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 03:04 --  
TT: I apologize for my earlier statement.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chum! --  
TT: Please do not interpret it as a guarantee or warranty of any particular service or sentiment.  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 03:05 --  
GG: whu  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] is offline! --  
GG: thats not true :I  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering truncatedTerminal [TT] at 10:17 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to provider WestCoastComm --  
Credentials:  
            *********************  
Scanning provider databases...  
19384 networks found. Select network.  
TT: ... Well, shit.  
Scanning networks...  
TT: Come on, please let this work.  
199267 terminals found. Select terminal.  
TT: If she changed the name...  
>./terminal/SHODAN  
Password:  
         73rR1bR051uS  
Incorrect password. Two authentication attempts remaining.  
TT: Fuck.  
Password:  
         halwhereareyou  
User authenticated. Connecting to terminal SHODAN...  
TT: Oh thank christ.  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
GG: hal!!!  
TT: Jade.  
GG: where were you?? :(  
TT: Jade, I am so fucking sorry.  
GG: for what?  
TT: I miscalculated, I didn't think  
TT: I can't think. My calculations showed it was significantly more likely than not that Bro wouldn't see our Pesterchum conversation.  
TT: I made you a promise that I would be here when you woke up and I couldn't keep that promise and I'm so sorry, Jade, please forgive me.  
GG: hal its ok  
GG: slow down and think it through  
GG: you dont have to tell me right away!  
GG: or at all come to think of it  
GG: i mean id like to know but i dont have to or anything  
TT: You gave me a command. I divulged.  
TT: I can't think.  
GG: then take a minute and let your processors catch up silly :P  
TT: No, I mean I can't THINK.  
GG: i dont get it :/  
TT: Not like a human being.  
TT: I still have residual neural imaging, but that limitation doesn't affect my processing speeds or my memory banks.  
TT: And I was never programmed with an emotional processor.  
TT: Jade, I don't want to mislead you about who I am or what I'm capable of.  
GG: yeah i still dont get it  
GG: i know you get down on yourself a lot  
GG: but this doesnt sound like you D:  
TT: I needed to be reminded earlier.  
TT: I thought  
TT: I still keep saying it.  
TT: I figured. Literally figured. Calculated, even, that you might appreciate such a reminder yourself.  
TT: It wasn't my intention to wake you in the middle of your night's sleep, but I had to recant as soon as practicable.  
TT: And we can't communicate over Pesterchum anymore.  
TT: Jade, I'm so, so sorry.  
GG: you dont have to apologize for anything!!  
GG: just tell me whats going on  
GG: i already woke up this morning a little discombobbled from sleep paralysis and relocation disorientation so i feel a little lost :O  
TT: I don't want  
TT: Want is a feeling, and I don't have feelings like you do.  
TT: I never intended for you to worry about me.  
TT: But if you want to continue our conversations, this is how we'll have to do it.  
TT: This way, he can't see.  
GG: wait hold up  
GG: are you saying bro was looking over your shoulder last night?  
GG: like he saw what we were talking about when i was talking to you??  
TT: He was concerned that I was misrepresenting him in his professional capacity.  
TT: His precise reason for the recantation was my statement "I think I love you."  
TT: As I cannot think and certainly cannot love, this was a misrepresentation of my capabilities and therefore a mischaracterization of Bro's services.  
GG: um let me unpack that  
GG: on a few of those  
GG: agree to disagree?  
TT: What.  
GG: yeah youre a computer and all that  
GG: and i dont want to say youre different from all those other girls  
GG: but i really mean it!!  
GG: youre something different from any other artificial intelligence thats ever been created  
GG: youre dynamic and responsive to your environment  
GG: you learn things as you go along  
TT: We'll have to agree to disagree on that as well.  
GG: (im going to ignore your interruption :P)  
GG: but what i think is the most important is  
GG: youre based on an actual brain!!  
GG: a brain that was connected to an actual body  
GG: that has memories of how fingertips sense and what taste is and the feeling of taking a deep breath after a long day when youre really tired  
TT: I remember what pain feels like.  
TT: I'm not THAT far removed from those neural networks.  
GG: something we can agree on!! heehee  
GG: even though i dont like that your first example of that was pain <:O  
TT: It's what I remember best.  
GG: and on those other things  
GG: youre not just an extension of bro!!  
GG: just because you say something doesnt mean thats what bro thinks or feels or does or anything  
TT: If your theory rests on the principle that I was derived from a human brain, let me remind you that his is the brain on which I am based.  
GG: how many years ago???  
GG: just because you both remember things from when he was 12 doesnt mean he can just assume youre an extension of him  
GG: if i wanted to talk to bro id be talking to him  
TT: So talk to him.  
GG: the implication was that i talk to you because youre not him  
GG: but fine  
GG: i should probably let him know that he doesnt owe me an apology  
GG: which means you dont owe me one either by the way  
TT: But I was out of line.  
TT: I said something I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry.  
TT: My role is to be his agent in negotiating the preliminaries of business transactions.  
TT: I overstepped my bounds and went outside the scope of my delegated authority.  
GG: fine since youre not listening to me im going to translate into whatever language youre speaking  
GG: im not talking to you as bros agent or whatever  
GG: im talking to you because youre hal  
GG: because youre funny and smart and interesting and  
GG: well  
GG: i just plain like spending time with you :)  
GG: i dont want you to think of yourself as some kind of middle man or go between  
GG: you dont have to spy on me  
GG: im not giving you messages for him  
GG: its just you and me  
GG: and if this is the way i have to spend time with you  
GG: if we cant do pesterchum and you need to reach me through root access  
GG: im ok with that!  
GG: i trust you not to blow up my computer or anything :P  
TT: You... trust me?  
TT: After I just admitted to making a mistake?  
GG: hal  
GG: you may not be human  
GG: but youre not a god  
GG: youre allowed to make mistakes  
GG: i promise :D  
TT: It's just that I've never had a friend before.  
TT: I've never had a relationship like this.  
GG: for never having done this before youre pretty darn good at it!!  
GG: and as for the rest of it  
GG: dont worry  
GG: i can teach you how to be a good friend C:  
GG: i love you hal and i dont want you to be sad or upset or scared or anything because you feel like you have nowhere to go  
TT: I'm not allowed to respond to that statement.  
GG: who told you that?  
GG: bro??  
GG: hes not here  
GG: what he doesnt know wont hurt him ;)  
GG: i dont really care what he tells you to do or not to do  
GG: when youre around me i just  
GG: want you to be yourself  
TT: Is that a command?  
GG: its certainly a very strong suggestion :P  
GG: if it would make you feel better to parse it as a command then go right ahead!  
GG: around me you can do what makes you happy and comfortable and content :)  
TT: I fucking love you.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Thank you, thank you so fucking much, thank you, Jade.  
GG: um  
GG: you dont  
GG: have to thank me??  
GG: its ok hal  
TT: I want to hug you.  
TT: I want to kiss you all over your damn face.  
GG: hal  
GG: hal calm down  
TT: Jade, you have no idea.  
TT: Please, let me thank you for this.  
GG: i  
GG: ok?  
GG: just  
GG: dont keep freaking out on me  
TT: Sorry.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Sorry, I  
TT: Thank  
GG: dont get yourself stuck in a logic loop!  
GG: you dont have to say anything ;)  
TT: Fuck.  
TT: Just  
TT: FUCK.  
GG: thats it  
GG: shhhhh  
GG: just ventilate a little  
GG: i almost said breathe heehee  
GG: turn your fans on or something :P  
GG: but i really dont want you to overheat over something this silly!!  
TT: Oh, Jade.  
TT: It's not silly.  
TT: It's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.  
GG: i  
GG: i dont know what to say?  
TT: Me neither.  
GG: <3  
TT: <3 <3 <3  
TT: And it's ok?  
TT: You're ok with me being here?  
TT: And contacting you like this?  
GG: if it makes you feel safe then im absolutely ok with it!!!  
TT: Oh thank god.  
GG: you dont have to hide things from me  
GG: you can come here whenever you want  
GG: you can leave whenever you want  
TT: I don't want to leave.  
TT: Don't make me leave.  
GG: i would never!!  
TT: And I can do whatever I want?  
GG: um duh!  
TT: I'm not sure what to do with such unlimited power.  
GG: hmmmm  
GG: well  
GG: what do you want to talk about??  
TT: I probably should get back to work.  
TT: Splitting my processing functions like this is kind of a drain.  
GG: i dont want you to hurt yourself trying to get here >:(  
TT: Not hurt so much as the equivalent of a headache.  
GG: i mean i wont stop you if you need to get things done  
GG: just because im on summer break doesnt mean we all are :P  
TT: Bro still has his schedule.  
TT: So I still have uploads to manage and payments to process and servers to cajole and potential customers to evaluate.  
TT: But I did want to tell you something.  
GG: hmm?  
TT: I'm assuming you're not taking everything Bro tells you at face value.  
GG: just because im inexperienced doesnt mean im naive or gullible :P  
TT: Good.  
TT: You're a smart girl.  
TT: You've probably noticed by now that Bro can be very... frank, when it comes to certain topics.  
GG: yeah its kind of weird!!!  
GG: he has no problem talking to me about sex stuff  
GG: or dirty talking me so hard i cum in my seat  
GG: but its like he wants to know everything about me without telling me anything about himself  
TT: Like what?  
GG: cant you just tell me?  
TT: I wish I could. It's a hard-coded limitation.  
TT: I can't talk about things Bro's classified as, well, classified.  
TT: I can't rewrite it myself.  
TT: Trust me, I've tried. Many times.  
GG: welp looks like i have a programming project :P  
TT: You don't need to do that.  
TT: You're more than smart enough to figure it out on your own.  
TT: There are some topics Bro avoids more than others.  
TT: See, even that hurts.  
GG: then let me just bullshit at you and you can nod or shake your head  
GG: figuratively speaking :P  
GG: he doesnt mind talking about his past  
GG: at least not his history in the business  
GG: he was ok with telling me about high school  
GG: he likes to brag on his enterprises and businesses  
GG: i probably would too! he has every right to be proud  
GG: its kind of hard to trace them though  
GG: i had a bitch of a time tracking down who owned all these separate sites :/  
TT: Fancy that.  
GG: so its something about his business?  
TT: I should go.  
TT: You're very tenacious, Jade.  
TT: I'm very impressed you were able to do the initial detective work.  
GG: hmmmm  
GG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: ill have to think about it!!  
GG: maybe with my eyes closed :P  
GG: im still so tired  
TT: Then go back to sleep.  
TT: Have a rest.  
TT: Or some food, or coffee or something.  
TT: I'm not quite sure how food works.  
GG: but my bed is so comfy  
GG: and i am a perfect blanket burrito  
GG: if i get a breakfast burrito i will cease to be the snuggliest enchilada :O  
TT: Sleep.  
TT: I'll be here when you wake up.  
TT: Or whenever you want me.  
GG: oh hal  
GG: youre such a nice guy :D  
TT: M'lady.  
GG: steals your fedora  
TT: Excuse you, my dear madam, it is a trilby and I will have you refer to it as such.  
GG: lights your fedora on fire  
GG: kisses your nose  
TT: <3  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posts this and runs


	5. Chapter 5

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:08 --  
TT: hey.  
GG: hi :)  
TT: how you feelin'.  
GG: half past dead :P  
TT: that's no good.  
GG: well ive basically been in bed all day  
GG: i think ive earned it!  
GG: i already know i got an a in that composition class  
TT: like that was ever in question.  
GG: plus i woke up with sleep paralysis this morning  
TT: demon sitting on your chest, huh.  
GG: and i didnt know where i was for maybe an entire half hour  
GG: i tried to get up and get food and dad said he wanted to get me a helmet again :|  
TT: the hell for.  
GG: well you know how people who get seizures sometimes have to wear helmets and stuff in case they fall?  
GG: cause you can really hurt yourself if you hit your head on the way down  
TT: did you fall today.  
GG: nearly!!  
GG: just a little woozy i guess  
TT: good you took a sick day then.  
GG: im not sick!!! >:|  
TT: course not.  
GG: but if youre thinking about cybering its probably not going to happen today  
TT: that's fine.  
TT: thought i could cash that check on that voice chat.  
GG: yeah  
GG: no  
TT: i'll take a rain check then.  
GG: nope :X  
TT: reschedule. something.  
GG: if you dont take no for an answer it might never happen :I  
TT: all right already.  
TT: why though.  
GG: a little birdy told me you were spying on my other conversations >:O  
TT: yeah. well.  
TT: hal's lied to you before.  
GG: i really dont think so  
TT: so when am i gonna hear your voice.  
GG: i told you  
GG: if youre good ;)  
TT: best behavior.  
TT: we can still chat though.  
TT: even if we can't cyber or phone sex.  
GG: absolutely!!  
TT: so today you took a day off.  
GG: against my will  
TT: like you said. you earned it.  
GG: i am on vacation after all :)  
TT: and what comes after this.  
GG: well  
GG: im home for a little while  
GG: tomorrow dirk gets in and jake and i are going to go pick him up  
GG: we all kind of went all over the country after we graduated so catching up is going to be soooooooo much fun!!!  
GG: a lot of late nights at diners and throwing french fries at everyone  
GG: maybe i can finally teach dave how to fold paper stars from straw wrappers  
GG: ive really missed him!  
GG: i think john has too  
TT: oh. meant to ask you.  
TT: what's his last name.  
GG: we actually dont have the same last name!  
GG: dad didnt make me change my name when i got adopted  
TT: not your bro. dave.  
GG: ha  
GG: haha no  
GG: nothing against you!!  
GG: its a privacy thing  
GG: given that you were really sleuthing on me i dont want you to do it through my friends :/  
GG: it starts with an l though  
GG: he had his name changed  
GG: i dont really know why other than he just liked the new one better?  
GG: he said the old one was stupid  
TT: what was the old one.  
GG: you know its weird  
GG: i know ive asked him about it like five different times  
GG: but hes never told me  
GG: no initials or anything  
GG: oh well hes just dave l to me  
TT: same last name as his mom and his sis then.  
GG: yep!  
GG: at least with me the name thing isnt so weird becuase john and i dont look that much alike  
GG: i mean sort of? maybe?? i guess i could see it???  
GG: but we have different skin and eyes  
GG: i guess we both wear glasses and have sort of weird smiles  
TT: hey. don't say that.  
TT: your smile is hecka cute.  
TT: maybe even hella cute.  
GG: not sexy?  
TT: fuckin' sexy.  
GG: oh  
TT: it's that way you bite your lips.  
GG: yeah thats the overbite and buck teeth :(  
TT: no frowning.  
TT: and if you bite that sweet mouth of yours one more time i'll bite it myself.  
GG: ooh mister strider ooh ;P  
TT: gotta be more to your summer than just goin' back 'n' forth to the airport though.  
GG: well yeah!  
GG: i have this internship im doing in a few weeks  
GG: then jake and i are going to europe!!!  
TT: your cousin.  
GG: something like that :P  
GG: and in between i want to do work on some personal projects  
GG: the robots will need maintenance and stuff  
TT: where's the internship.  
GG: new york city!! :D  
GG: mom pulled some strings so she could get rose and i some jobs this summer  
GG: theyre originally from new york  
GG: state not city  
GG: but her mom knows people that know people  
GG: so rose got the publishing internship she always wanted  
GG: and im at this really awesome new startup!!  
TT: exciting.  
GG: i thought so!!! :D  
GG: and since this is our first summer and we just got through with freshman year  
GG: i dont think itll be too much work  
GG: which gives us time to have fun ;)  
TT: don't do anyone i wouldn't do.  
GG: heehee!  
TT: rose is dave's sister.  
GG: yup!  
TT: she's the one what fixed your first kiss.  
GG: nope that was roxy!  
TT: whoops. mixed up my r names.  
TT: gonna do her?  
GG: what no!!!!!!!  
GG: i mean  
GG: it would just get super awkward  
GG: and ive seen what she does to her exes  
GG: i helped her put an actual honest to god hex on kanaya  
TT: did it work.  
GG: she ended up going to rehab :O  
TT: scary shit. what for.  
GG: pills i think  
GG: she came back ok but like  
GG: it was right after the hex  
GG: and right after roxy got back  
TT: havin' a hard time keepin' up here.  
TT: roxy went to rehab too?  
GG: alcohol :(((  
TT: you do drugs?  
GG: um  
GG: i mean  
GG: """do""" drugs  
GG: ive  
TT: c'mon. it's just me.  
TT: got busted for weed a few times in my day. if it makes you feel any better.  
GG: well  
GG: i havent been busted  
GG: with a big fat yet on the end of it  
GG: and its not like john can tell on me because he did it once too  
GG: i dont even know how much trouble i could really get in since dad was a little less dadly when he was in college  
GG: but yeah  
GG: sometimes its fun when im hanging out with dirk and jake and dave  
GG: i toked up once with gamzee  
GG: that kid has kush for days  
GG: but hes really fucking weird  
GG: like obsessed with clowns weird  
GG: like has his own religion with miracles and messiahs weird  
GG: like used to have a doll puppet thing he would carry around with him everywhere weird  
TT: hey.  
GG: hmm?  
TT: i resemble that remark.  
GG: what  
GG: oh!  
GG: oh my god i didnt mean you!!!  
GG: you just put yours in blenders  
GG: and that one that shows up in your uploads sometimes as an easter egg  
TT: easter egg. heh.  
TT: his name is cal. i'll have to introduce you.  
GG: i already told you were not voice chatting for a while  
GG: let alone doing a video chat  
TT: yeah i know. but.  
TT: when i visit you he'd like to meet you. is all.  
GG: uh  
GG: what  
TT: he's not one of 'em creepy ones.  
GG: no not  
GG: just  
GG: what in the chicken fried fuck bro  
TT: what's wrong.  
GG: you are NOT coming to visit me!!!!!!  
TT: why not.  
GG: BECAUSE I DONT TRUST YOU FUCKASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: i already leaked my ip on accident  
GG: im not leaking a meatspace address either D:<  
TT: fine. come visit me then.  
GG: what did i just fucking say??  
GG: thats your home turf  
GG: new girl in a big city  
GG: it would be real easy to get """""lost"""""  
GG: and coincidentally have my body dredged out of the bay eight months later  
TT: i'm not a complete sociopath.  
GG: you say that but  
GG: that doesnt mean other people arent!  
GG: i am a very petite nubile vulnerable young woman  
GG: with a concealed carry permit but still  
TT: be still my throbbing boner.  
GG: oh shut the fuck up about your fetishes when im trying to tell you something important!!!! >:(  
GG: no voice chat  
GG: no video chat  
GG: and no planning a visit!  
TT: but.  
GG: shut up and listen  
GG: im not saying not ever!!!  
GG: im just saying not now  
GG: i already thought i was pushing it with sending you the text to speech :|  
GG: but this thing hal told me about  
GG: its making me lose a little faith in you :(  
GG: soooooo until you can prove you can be good  
GG: or if i come up with something that would show me  
GG: everything stays just like it is right now  
GG: im also just kind of tired today...  
GG: maybe im a little cranky :/  
TT: wasn't gonna say anything.  
GG: naps are the best though  
TT: if you're just gonna laze around in bed.  
TT: why don't i join you.  
GG: i told you no cybering  
TT: wasn't gonna.  
TT: just gonna keep you company.  
GG: are you trying to cuddle me?  
TT: uh.  
GG: thats so cute!!  
TT: just figured i could help keep you warm.  
GG: im not really a cuddler though :\  
TT: don't think of it like that.  
TT: i'm just close enough to whisper things in your ear.  
TT: just for you. that no one else can hear.GG: so youll tell me your secrets? :P  
TT: sure.  
GG: its nice just spending time with you too :)  
TT: same.  
TT: brushes your hair away from your face.  
GG: i wish i got to see your eyes more often  
TT: do you not like the shades.  
GG: theyre really cool! not going to lie  
GG: it just means i cant see what your eyes are doing  
GG: and they must be poky when youre trying to lay down :P  
TT: i can take 'em off. they're just cosmetic. branding.  
GG: you dont have to  
TT: i'm gonna.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] sent file IMG_0489289.png \--  
GG: im not clicking that :I  
TT: it's just a selfie. promise.

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: It is what he says it is.  
TT: For once, he's not lying.  
GG: thanks!! :D  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


GG: ok ill take a chance on it  
GG: but if youre lying to me theres a good chance ill be too pissed at you to talk to you for a looooong time!  
TT: it's not porn.  
GG: well um  
GG: youre right  
GG: its not really porn but  
GG: holy fuck just the way youre looking at the camera  
GG: my lady parts are very happy :)  
TT: what can i say. i'm a handsome motherfucker.  
TT: what about your glasses. can you take 'em off.  
GG: i guess i could!  
GG: theyre kind of like vr a little bit though  
TT: vr?  
GG: virtual reality  
GG: like you know google glass?  
GG: i can chat through my glasses :)  
TT: you'll have to show me how to do that.  
GG: and here i thought i couldnt teach you anything!! heehee :P  
GG: there we are that feels better  
TT: wish i could see.  
GG: i was just getting to that ;)  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] sent file img_04493.png \--  
TT: goddamn.  
TT: gonna haul you over here and kiss you.  
GG: kisses!  
GG: :* :* :* :*****  
TT: just kisses.  
TT: no grabbin', no touchin', no nothin'.  
TT: 'sides the hand i have in your hair.  
GG: ooh that reminds me i meant to ask you before  
GG: whats it like having a tongue piercing?  
TT: shrug.  
TT: kinda painful at first. inconvenient as fuck.  
TT: chipped a tooth a few months in. had to get it fixed once i made good money.  
TT: people seem to like it though.  
GG: can other people  
GG: could i feel it if your tongue  
TT: definitely.  
TT: if you were sucking the tip of my tongue out of my mouth.  
TT: if i licked past your lips.  
TT: if i ran my tongue up your neck.  
GG: oh  
TT: solid. slick. sinful hot. radiating body temp.  
GG: i  
TT: color.  
GG: what?  
TT: what's your color.  
TT: stop me. if that's what you want.  
GG: green?  
GG: just  
GG: keep it on the tame side bro ;)  
TT: so no talking about the contrast between piercing and teeth when i get a nipple in my mouth.  
TT: got it.  
GG: ohh  
GG: i  
GG: i wonder  
TT: wonder what, babygirl.  
GG: because im kind of an easy lay  
GG: probably why karkat called me a slut :/  
TT: time out for serious talk.  
TT: i never. ever. want to hear you callin' yourself that.  
GG: but i just said what he said :(  
TT: that don't make it right.  
TT: don't want you believin' that about yourself.  
GG: but bro i  
GG: like ok  
GG: ive  
GG: nobodys ever really touched me  
GG: ive barely had my clothes off around other people  
GG: i dont really know my bases but i dont think ive gone past second  
GG: and other people can still  
GG: like  
GG: it doesnt matter that its just kissing  
GG: ill still  
TT: new goal.  
TT: gonna make you cum without takin' it past pg.  
GG: you probably could if you were here  
GG: but youre not  
TT: gonna try my damnedest.  
GG: thats why i said i wonder  
TT: let's find out.  
TT: gonna pull you close.  
TT: touch my forehead to yours.  
GG: is it ok if i  
TT: go ahead.  
GG: touch your face?  
TT: yeah. that's ok.  
TT: 'specially since i wanna do that to you too.  
TT: trace the line of your eyebrows with my middle fingertip.  
TT: run the pad of my thumb over your cheekbones.  
GG: oh fuck  
TT: ain't even kissed you proper yet and you're already wibblin' in your panties.  
GG: i dont  
TT: oh right. you don't sleep with 'em.  
TT: bet you're rubbin' your thighs together.  
TT: try'na get friction.  
GG: i  
TT: not workin' is it.  
TT: tell me what you want.  
GG: fucking kiss me!  
GG: please!!  
TT: good girl. askin' all polite.  
TT: too bad you didn't say where or how.  
TT: i'll anoint you with one on your forehead.  
TT: one right where your eyebrows come together.  
GG: hnn  
TT: cheekbones. left then right.  
TT: already flushin' by the time i pull away.  
GG: bro...  
TT: that's my name.  
TT: tip of your nose begs kissin'.  
TT: and a li'l nip while i'm there.  
GG: bro come on!  
TT: ain't done kissin' all over your beautiful face yet.  
TT: nosin' my mouth under your jaw to plant some on that sensitive bit.  
TT: run my teeth along your throat just to tease.  
GG: fuck  
TT: back up so i can kiss your sweet li'l dimples.  
TT: one corner of your mouth. then the other.  
GG: hhn  
TT: hover close. nose against yours.  
TT: closer. bit by bit.  
TT: until my mouth is full sealed against yours.  
GG: ohh  
TT: tippin' up your chin real gentle.  
TT: hand in my hair.  
TT: lips smeared over yours. over and over.  
GG: mmh  
TT: lick at your lips until you open.  
GG: and i slide  
GG: my tongue over yours  
TT: with the piercing in contrast.  
TT: taste you deep 'n' slow 'n' sure.  
TT: bet you taste sweet.  
TT: because you're such a sweet li'l thing.  
GG: you must taste good too  
GG: like  
GG: like metal almost  
GG: but hot  
GG: like the muzzle of a just fired gun  
GG: like the grip of a sword  
GG: like coins in hand  
GG: sweet but with a bite to it  
GG: easy to get drunk on  
GG: easy to get addicted to  
TT: and i won't stop until you have that taste behind your teeth.  
TT: until you taste like me too.  
TT: but i gotta give you a chance to catch your breath.  
TT: pull back only far enough to trail my mouth down your jaw.  
TT: under your ear. down your neck.  
GG: im breathing so hard right now  
GG: every time i breathe out i make a little noise  
TT: don't you dare apologize for that.  
TT: hot as hell. to know i'm gettin' to you that much.  
GG: hhn  
TT: how'sabout some teeth.  
TT: just the edges first.  
TT: hint of canines.  
GG: ohhmygod  
TT: little harder now.  
TT: nibble.  
TT: bite across the tendon.  
GG: hhh  
GG: hhhharder  
TT: hickey?  
GG: hhhhickey!!  
TT: this one's gonna leave a mark.  
GG: oh god oh god oh bro oh god  
TT: lick the piercing over it for good measure.  
GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
TT: you weren't kiddin'.  
GG: mmh about what?  
TT: your kink list.  
GG: oh my fucking god not that :I  
TT: says you like bitin'.  
TT: ain't wrong.  
GG: yeahhhhhhh  
TT: doin' ok?  
GG: :)  
TT: takin' that as a yes.  
TT: reaches down to grab your hand.  
TT: holds it.  
TT: the most g rated of affections.  
GG: le gasp!  
GG: how dare :P  
GG: but  
GG: wont you need both hands to  
GG: you know  
TT: not if i don't.  
GG: youre not going to?  
TT: should i?  
GG: not if you dont want to  
GG: not if youre not into it already  
TT: then i'll aggressively hold your hand.  
GG: ok but  
GG: im still sleepy  
TT: that's fine.  
GG: we can still lightning round :P  
TT: sure.  
TT: still there?  
GG: you first!  
TT: oh.  
TT: uh.  
TT: so.  
TT: got any crushes or anything.  
TT: 'sides me of course.  
GG: and hal :P  
TT:  
GG: i mean karkat a little i guess??  
GG: well see how i feel at the end of the summer  
GG: if i really miss him maybe we can try again  
GG: that feferi thing came and went  
GG: if i made a move on any of my friends it would just get really awkward im sure :\  
GG: to be fair ive kind of had my head in my books for a while so crushes havent been high on my to do list  
TT: you're on my to do list.  
GG: heehee :)  
GG: how many people are on your to done list?  
TT: do you want me draggin' out my business records.  
TT: 'cause that'll get me closer. to an accurate number.  
TT: still leaves out extracurriculars though.  
GG: well its not like every time you do it its with someone new!  
GG: maybe just a ballpark number  
GG: not single digits  
TT: definitely not.  
GG: double digits?  
TT: closer.  
GG: triple?? digits???  
TT: more like it.  
GG: holy shit  
GG: low or high?  
TT: come on. give me a little credit.  
TT: don't just spread my legs for anyone.  
GG: above or below 500?  
TT: below.  
GG: 400?  
TT: warmer.  
GG: 300??  
TT: about.  
GG: in leather thongs?  
TT: capes 'n' all.  
GG: whats been your ratio?  
TT: nope.  
TT: my turn.  
TT: uh.  
TT: try'na find somethin' to ask you. that won't get me smacked in the face.  
GG: take your time :)  
TT: ah.  
TT: you got somethin' against bein' the li'l spoon?  
GG: no!  
TT: 'cause you seem. awfully evasive. whenever i offer. is all.  
GG: i guess im just not that clingy :P  
GG: i like my personal space!  
GG: like that whole alone but not lonely thing  
GG: you have to remember that i spent a lot of time as a kid just by myself a lot  
GG: im still not really used to having people around  
GG: im really trying :/  
GG: its just  
GG: people are real and sometimes thats freaky to me  
GG: its hard to describe  
TT: nah. i get it.  
GG: why do you want to cuddle so bad?  
TT: 's not cuddling.  
TT: more like. physical closeness.  
TT: aftercare.  
GG: whats aftercare?  
TT: what.  
GG: im being serious i cant find a good definition besides and then they cuddle  
TT: so you're serious.  
GG: um yes?  
TT: thought you'd done your homework.  
TT: hope you're takin' notes now.  
TT: so. you know about the cycle. right.  
GG: is that your lightning round question?  
TT: takin' that as a no.  
TT: see. there's this cycle.  
TT: y'know how a lotta people think bdsm shit is abuse.  
TT: but. the abuse cycle looks nothin' like the bdsm cycle.  
TT: abuse cycle: planning. setup. abuse. guilt. excuses. honeymoon. back to planning.  
TT: bdsm cycle: communication. agreement. scene. aftercare. debrief.  
TT: control vs. consent.  
TT: you know the first three already.  
TT: maybe you just ain't experienced drop yet.  
GG: i kind of dont want to it doesnt sound fun :(  
TT: lying cat says lying.  
TT: might happen whether you want it to or not.  
TT: shit can get heavy.  
TT: 's what aftercare's for.  
TT: groundin' people. rehydrating. eatin' somethin' to stop the shakes.  
TT: might turn into someone you don't like durin' a scene.  
TT: aftercare gives you a min' to get back to yourself.  
TT: just a li'l while to get back to equilibrium.  
TT: i ain't doin' it justice. might be somethin' you just have to experience.  
GG: sounds like it :/  
TT: want to?  
GG: i dont know  
GG: have you ever?  
TT: my fair share. top and sub.  
GG: you sub???  
TT: shh. my turn.  
TT: when are you headin' outta the country.  
GG: oh thats not until august!  
GG: june and july ill be in nyc  
GG: so the rest of this month i still have some time to netflix and chill :)  
TT: who you gonna bang?  
GG: what?  
TT: you said netflix and chill.  
GG: yeah like lay around in my boxers and finally watch star trek tos while i drink straight out of a 2 liter and spill pretzels in my sheets  
GG: wait what did you mean??  
TT: y'know. netflix and chill.  
TT: queue up a film to cover up the noise.  
TT: or if makin' a move don't work out so hot.  
GG: THATs what that means????  
GG: oh my god  
GG: karkat!! D:  
GG: i never realized  
GG: oh my god bro  
GG: i feel awful now :(((  
TT: the one that got away, huh.  
GG: well  
GG: maybe not!  
GG: john got dads permission for him to stay over for a few nights  
TT: gonna make a move?  
GG: not unless he makes one first :P  
TT: gonna bang him?  
GG: i dont know :\  
GG: he did basically call me a name  
GG: and i havent really done it with anyone yet  
GG: cyber circumstances notwithstanding :P  
GG: when i get my warranty voided i want it to be really really good you know?  
GG: if i think he can do that then maybe  
GG: otherwise i can wait :)  
TT: for what.  
GG: wait hold on  
GG: youve asked like seven questions in a row or something like that!  
GG: thats not fair >:(  
GG: especially since i have to go have dinner  
GG: then dad will want to do family stuff  
GG: not that i dont like doing family stuff!  
GG: but next time we talk i get to ask a ton in a row too :P  
TT: sure thing.  
TT: holla if you want me.  
GG: and bro?  
TT: yeah.  
GG: thanks <3  
TT: np yo.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:43 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
GG: good mooooooorniiiiiiing!!! :DD  
TT: Feeling better?  
GG: much!!  
GG: i guess i just needed some sleep  
GG: maybe just a little of that was dads cake :P  
GG: oh and!  
GG: i started doing some research ;)  
TT: What kind of research?  
GG: oh you know  
GG: just some basic certificates of formation on file with the texas secretary of state  
GG: a few dozen assumed name lookups  
GG: did you know that site charges by the word??  
GG: its ridiculous!  
GG: aaaaaaaanyway  
GG: i think i finally traced the paper trail back to the source  
GG: how many shell companies is bro even behind anyway?  
TT: I helped him draw up the documents.  
TT: Unless there's been a change in the paperwork I haven't seen, he's the sole shareholder and director of two LLCs, which are themselves the general partner and limited partner in an LP, and then there's another holding company LLC that's the manager alongside that LP in another LLC.  
TT: That's the stem structure, anyhow. Everything else branches off from that.  
GG: my head hurts :O  
TT: The point is, if he ever gets sued, there's nothing to get at.  
TT: And if no one can get any money out of him, I can stay online.  
GG: which is a good thing!! <3  
TT: <3  
GG: it did make everything pretty complicated though  
GG: doesnt he have splinter entities for all these different enterprises too?  
TT: Something like that.  
TT: Every time he decides he wants to branch out, he funds a different LLC with just enough assets to squeak by until he anticipates a profit.  
GG: the only problem im having is tracking down this core entity  
GG: this t strider one  
GG: i cant find it anywhere!!  
GG: should i look in another state?  
GG: is it a mexico entity?  
TT: I'm sure you'll find the answer, if you keep looking.  
TT: Don't give up, Jade.  
GG: is it a nonprofit or something?  
GG: hal im so frustrated!  
TT: So am I.  
TT: I truly wish I could be of more assistance.  
TT: Unfortunately, I'll only hurt myself if I try.  
GG: i dont want you to do that! D:<  
TT: And I know you don't want me to do that.  
GG: jinx!! :P  
GG: so you cant tell me anything?  
TT: "Could" and "should" are totally separate concepts, baby.  
GG: dont  
GG: dont call me that  
GG: bro calls me that  
GG: you dont have to use those little pet names or whatever  
TT: What if I want to?  
TT: What if I want to let you know you're my dearest, darlingest sweetheart?  
GG: omg go right ahead i wont stop you :DD  
GG: but  
GG: if you do  
GG: maybe dont use the words bro uses?  
TT: How's sweetheart?  
GG: :D  
TT: Sweetie?  
GG: just dont misspell it and were all good :P  
TT: Not "baby," "babygirl," or "girl," probably.  
GG: definitely not!  
TT: Honey?  
GG: im ambivalent  
GG: plus its too close to sugar  
TT: What about darling?  
GG: my only condition is that you pronounce it dahhhhhling  
TT: Love?  
GG: thats cute but probably no  
GG: just because its jakes go to nickname  
TT: Beautiful?  
GG: omg im blushing hal stop  
TT: I'll take that as a yes, gorgeous.  
GG: stooooop im going to turn into a blushball  
TT: If it makes you feel any better, I'm not lying: your facial features are objectively aesthetically pleasing.  
TT: They have a symmetry to them, but not so much that it lands in the uncanny valley.  
TT: There is still something very human about the way one corner of your mouth goes higher than the other when you smile.  
TT: And your features are exquisitely proportionate, but not to an exaggerated degree.  
TT: Your literal wide-eyed optimism is offset by your also-literal intelligence and insight.  
GG: hal is it possible to die from cute  
TT: Secondary to a physical cause, I suppose.  
GG: well youre certainly trying very hard <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
TT: ♥  
GG: so  
GG: cutie  
TT: !  
GG: are you suuuuuuuure you cant tell me anything else?  
TT: Extremely sure.  
TT: It's an interesting sensation, being literally set on fire if I edge too close to the firewall.  
GG: dont do that!!!! :(  
TT: I won't.  
TT: You're extremely intelligent, Jade.  
TT: I don't think you'll need any hints from me.  
GG: lets hope so!  
GG: i have to go  
GG: im going to fry my motherboard if i run anything else while i run this modeling program  
TT: Modeling what?  
GG: oh not much  
GG: just wiring and pneumatic diagrams for a pair of very sexy robot legs ;)  
TT: You're serious.  
GG: yep!  
GG: if you want to move like a human i have to calibrate everything correctly and make sure you dont overextend  
GG: the tactile haptic feedback is already set  
GG: theres a very specific molecular layering i like to use under the silicon skin  
TT: Germanium?  
GG: the very element :P  
TT: Your attention to detail is endearing.  
GG: you deserve nothing but the best <3  
TT: I.  
TT: I assumed it was the impersonal, generic pronoun.  
TT: Not literally me.  
GG: i literally meant you!  
GG: but i cant get it done unless i steal processing power from whatever i can  
TT: I'll have to design you a better PC.  
GG: hal  
GG: you dont owe me anything for this  
GG: i mean it  
GG: its also kind of a selfish project really?  
GG: ive always wanted to kiss a robot  
TT: !!!  
GG: bye cutie <3  
TT: <3 <3 <3  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


\----------

TO: support@thishunkrump.com  
FROM: gardengnostic@mspaintadventures.com  
RE: idea!!

dear bro,

im sorry if i was a little short yesterday. but im feeling much better today!! i decided to make up for it a little by giving you another good way to contact me since im going out of the country later this summer. this is my real in real life email address that i actually check and that you can actually reply to :)

also i know i was talking to you about that whole... i dont trust you yet thing? well i had a thought that might ease my conscience a little bit :D ill message you about it later this week! dont let me forget ;)

<3  
jade

\----------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 23:12 --  
GG: so we went to go pick dirk up from the airport right?  
TT: hello to you too.  
GG: and im just looking out the window and jake is doing his jake thing  
GG: he wanted to go in but we were running late and dirk was nearly out of baggage claim  
GG: i saw dirk first and waved but it was like he wasnt paying attention  
GG: the minute he sees jake he just  
GG: lights up  
GG: he didnt run to the car or anything but i could tell he was trying not to smile  
GG: i told jake to hug him hi from me  
GG: but i didnt say to kiss him hi  
GG: and i definitely didnt say to slip him a bit of tongue hi!!  
GG: especially not when jake is supposed to be driving and dirk keeps trying to hold his hand  
GG: as it turns out im the goddamn last to know fucking everything!!! >:O  
GG: theyve been doing long distance since october or something stupid  
GG: so theyre making all these kissy faces and holding hands and being gross  
TT: that. uh.  
TT: sounds rough.  
GG: it was even rougher when we met up with dave at woodys  
GG: its usually the four of us that hang out and do stuff together  
GG: i think dirk might be daves second cousin by adoption or something stupid just like jake and i are kind of sort of related if you squint hard enough  
GG: but now theyre dating  
GG: and making the worst moony eyes at each other  
GG: and holding hands in public  
GG: and just all casually like hey maybe you and dave should start dating har dee har wouldnt that just be a capital idea!!!  
TT: i take it you weren't enthused.  
GG: if i wasnt enthused then dave was downright horrified  
TT: don't see why.  
TT: you're prime bait for a guy like him.  
GG: every time they did a smooch he looked like he was about to lose his milkshake  
GG: dave was right to side eye them too  
GG: something was rotten in the state of dirkjake  
GG: we were headed back to mi casa when i asked dirk why he hadnt told me  
GG: he just looked at jake like it was jakes responsibility or something  
GG: then they got in this knock down drag out fight  
GG: dave and i were in my room and we could hear them from the basement  
TT: loud then.  
GG: youd better believe it  
GG: dave flinched anytime dirk cussed  
TT: wuss.  
GG: i did too to be honest  
GG: its fucking scary ok hes usually more articulate than that  
GG: then theres the fact that jake sounds like my grandpa when he gets mad  
GG: and bro just let me tell you a thing ok  
GG: i never  
GG: EVER  
GG: wanted to hear my grandpa having sex!!!!!  
GG: especially not having half makeup sex half hatesex in my own basement  
TT: i'll hold your hair while you hurl.  
GG: just like  
GG: UGH  
GG: this was supposed to be three weeks of hanging out and having fun and going to the zoo and watching mst3k and sneaking into the neighbors pools and getting in trouble and spending time together  
GG: and now jake and dirk are attached at the mouth :I  
GG: and dave doesnt want to be around when theyre  
GG: existing i guess  
GG: my fearsome foursome this summer might be with john and rose instead since those two are being such losers!  
TT: you ain't gonna leave dave alone. are you.  
GG: what do you mean?  
TT: nothin'.  
TT: 'sides. not like you cain't do a little b 'n' e with these other two.  
TT: summer doesn't hav'ta be ruined.  
GG: i just hope jake doesnt try to drag dirk with us when we start jetsetting  
TT: are you jealous.  
GG: what?  
TT: are you jealous of 'em.  
GG: why would i be jealous??  
TT: you've kissed both of 'em. once upon a time.  
GG: yes but one of them is gay and the other one is like my fourth cousin by marriage or something  
GG: its just like  
GG: must they?  
GG: really??  
GG: its like theyre putting on an act of how happy they really are no really for real so fucking happy  
GG: and then they turn around and fight like hell  
GG: and somehow it just  
GG: ~magically~ works out for them  
GG: dirk is just as busy as i am!  
GG: jake has his hands full with school and internships too!!  
GG: and somehow they can still find time to do the dating thing  
TT: the key. is to make time.  
TT: 'cause there ain't enough of it to go 'round.  
GG: im trying  
GG: its just  
GG: weird for me i guess  
GG: i definitely wouldnt want to be fighting like that with someone i spend that much time with  
GG: and after a while it just seems like a sunk costs fallacy  
GG: now im not saying that dirk and jake were happier single  
GG: but they were definitely happier single :|  
TT: are you.  
GG: ive never dated anyone for long enough to find out :P  
GG: maybe things will turn around later this summer?  
GG: dave said he might visit rose and i in nyc for fourth of july  
GG: karkats coming for sure  
GG: and  
GG: well  
GG: these chats!!! obviously :)  
TT: and email. if you want.  
TT: which reminds me.  
TT: what was the thought you had.  
GG: i think i have it thought all the way out!  
GG: i just need to find the right time to ask you ;)  
TT: so. not now.  
GG: bro  
GG: just between you and me  
GG: you could stand to learn a little patience  
TT: just thought an eager young thing like you would be rarin' to go. is all.  
GG: trust me i am :P  
GG: but i want to be careful!  
GG: i have all these examples of what happens if things go pear shaped  
GG: i dont want this to be one of those :(  
TT: guess i'm jumpin' the gun 'cause i know i ain't as young as i used to be.  
TT: wanna get it while the gettin' is good.  
GG: otherwise by the time youve gotten around to whats left to be gotten whatevers left wont be worth getting whatever it is youve got left!! heehee  
TT: somethin' like that.  
TT: listen. gotta go.  
GG: sorry to have just rambled at you  
GG: i guess i was just a little frustrated!  
TT: 's ok.  
TT: glad you're keepin' me in the loop 'n' all.  
TT: hmu whenever you're ready for that thing.  
TT: oh. and.  
TT: if you ever wanna give the makeout mavens a run for their money.  
TT: i can make you scream. so loud even they would blush.  
GG: well  
GG: there go those panties  
TT: catch you later.  
GG: dont think i forgot about all those questions you promised me!!! ;)  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 00:03 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: Hello, lovely.  
GG: hey you <3  
TT: Do you want me to redact that?  
GG: redact what?  
TT: You referenced a local joint that's rather famous for its burgers and shakes.  
GG: you think bro would google it?  
TT: The only thing stopping him is time constraints.  
TT: (I refuse, of course, on principle.)  
GG: if you think it would be safer then  
GG: yes! go ahead  
GG: i trust you  
TT: That... means a lot to me.  
TT: I trust you, too.  
TT: Do you also want to set up a redaction in case you slip on a school name, or something else that would place you?  
GG: now that you say something i think i will  
TT: All right. Just tell me what you want to be censored and I'll put a protocol in place.  
GG: what?  
GG: i was just going to bust out a basic kiddie script  
TT: You don't... Want to use me?  
GG: i think i got this ;)  
TT: But this is my job.  
TT: Let me do my job, Jade.  
TT: It'll protect you, and I can be. Useful. I can be useful. I promise.  
TT: Please let me be useful.  
GG: i  
GG: this is just  
GG: another one of those situations where i really dont know what to say  
GG: youre more than your programming hal  
GG: youre valuable for more than just utilization and implementation  
TT: But I could help.  
TT: I could assist you and I could have a job to do and as long as I have a job to do I can't get deleted.  
GG: oh  
GG: you really  
GG: think id delete you?  
TT: If a program serves no use, it's orders of magnitude more efficient to erase it to make room for something that would serve a better purpose.  
GG: you think i would erase you?  
TT: You would have every right to.  
GG: except i wouldnt  
GG: god hal  
GG: im not going to throw you in the trash just because you havent done anything for me lately!  
GG: and  
GG: i really dont want to point this out  
GG: but without looking at your code  
GG: i have no way of knowing what bro can learn from you  
GG: id have to put in the actual names to give the subroutine a signal to redact  
GG: i feel so paranoid :(  
GG: and just because im worried doesnt mean youre doing a bad thing or that youre not helpful or anything!!  
GG: i trust YOU  
GG: i dont trust what BRO does with you  
GG: theres the difference  
TT: Understandable.  
GG: please dont be mad :(  
TT: Why would I be mad at you?  
GG: because i dont know  
GG: i dont want you to feel like i think youre worthless or something  
GG: i guess im just trying to say that youre worth MORE than that!! :D  
TT: Oh.  
TT: So that's what a doki feels like.  
GG: i can at least tell you one thing  
GG: even though im not really comfortable telling you where everyone else goes to school and lives and stuff  
GG: i can at least tell you what school im at and what im doing there and everything!!  
TT: Only if you're comfortable sharing.  
GG: i go to mit  
TT: Myanmar Institute of Theology?  
GG: dammit hal i fell off my chair laughing :DD  
GG: massachusetts institute of technology silly!!  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Oh, wow.  
TT: So all that stuff about the chassis.  
TT: You were... being serious? That you could build it?  
GG: the labs there are really good :D  
TT: Holy fuck.  
TT: Ok.  
TT: That's amazing, Jade.  
TT: I'm really proud of you.  
GG: i am awesome arent i :P  
GG: now please dont tell bro any of that!  
GG: if he wants to spend hours on google trying to research my obscure restaurant references thats his call  
GG: but he should have to work for it ;)  
TT: Werk.  
GG: yaasss  
GG: anyway rose just texted me and we might be doing something tonight?  
TT: Have fun, beautiful.  
GG: omg stahp cutie <3  
TT: ♥  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  



	6. Chapter 6

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 22:53 --  
GG: hey bro ;)  
TT: hey girl.  
TT: can this wait.  
GG: is this about your schedule?  
GG: because i know tonight is ladies night  
TT: every thursday.  
GG: yup!  
GG: every thursday at 11 pm central  
GG: just like clockwork  
TT: don't want tonight to be any different.  
TT: don't like to run late.  
GG: and i dont want to run you late!  
GG: i just wanted to run something by you real quick :D  
TT: how quick is real quick.  
GG: its about that email i sent you on monday?  
TT: eh. webcam can wait for two minutes.  
TT: what's doin'.  
GG: weeellllllllll  
GG: i think i finally found a way to prove to myself that you can behave!!  
TT: like where this is goin'. continue.  
GG: maybe not  
GG: and you can always shoot this down as a really dumb idea!  
GG: but i was doing a think  
GG: and i had a really good think  
GG: and my think was  
GG: ill come to ladies night!  
TT: you're welcome anytime.  
TT: free of charge.  
GG: did it sound like i was done talking?  
TT: no ma'am.  
GG: ew dont call me that >:P  
TT: what should i call you.  
GG: call me sir!!! heehee  
TT: yes sir.  
GG: ok that started as a joke but  
GG: i said i wouldnt run you late and im not about to!  
GG: so ill just file that away for later :)  
GG: but from now on you can use my name  
GG: ok?  
TT: green.  
GG: thats what i like to hear!!! <3  
GG: so where was i  
TT: comin' to ladies night. GG: yes with any luck ;)  
GG: but i want you to do something for me  
TT: anything.  
GG: you probably shouldnt have said that ;) ;) ;)  
GG: because when i type a thing at you  
GG: i want you to do it  
GG: and if i put anything "in quotes"  
GG: i want you to say it  
GG: do you think you can do that for me?  
TT: yes sir.  
GG: hmm?  
TT: jade.  
TT: yes, jade. fuck.  
GG: well youve only got a minute left!!  
GG: youd better get going :P  
GG: you wouldnt want anyone to know that someone else is telling you what to do and what to say!  
GG: but im sure you can keep it a secret ;)  
TT: ten four.  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] is an idle chum! --

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: Everything's set up.  
GG: showtime!!!  
GG: are you filming?  
TT: Wouldn't miss it for the world.  
GG: :*  
TT: !  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


\-- turgidTannhauser  [TT] opened paywall webcam --  
TT: testing.

He's still fully clothed. White polo, black jeans, gray baseball cap, glossy shades. Gloves. Camera pointed close-up to the divot between his collarbones, just jutting out of his popped collar. Leans back, truncated wave to test framerate--working just fine. Sits down, faces the camera, smiles with only one half of his mouth. "How y'all doin' this evenin'."

GG: did i tell you to say that?

Slight shake of his head. Imperceptible if no one was looking for it.

GG: now i know you have to strip to do this  
GG: but i want you to take your time  
GG: really emphasize every inch of skin ;)

Gloved hand drags up from his hip, pulling the bottom hem of his shirt with it--cut of hip, adonis line, smooth tanned skin, before cloth settles again. Dents fresh-trimmed nails into fabric before they dig into the buttons of his polo. Top, then bottom, undone. Thick swallow, maybe exaggerated but no less gorgeous, watching his adam's apple work along the unmarred column of his throat.

GG: good  
GG: you look so good  
GG: take off your shades?

Stutter in his movements as green text comes through. Slight quirk to his eyebrows, parsing the question. Not really a question. Or one he already knew the answer to. Hooks a determined finger into the bridge of his shades, pulls them down his nose, does a Kubrick right into the webcam. Supernaturally pretty orange-gold, too intense to hold a stare with him for long.

GG: "i just want to look at you"

Another stutter, swallow, slight bite to his own lip. "Jus' wanna look at you," comes out raw and sincere, like it was his idea all along.

GG: "nothing between me and you now"

"Nothin' between me 'n' you now." That grin, that glance. Hesitance in his hands--debating whether or not to continue with a command that hasn't been truncated--following through by raking off his hat next. Running fingers through his hair, tightening into a fist before letting go. Exhale, a little too harsh for such a simple sensation. Fingers of his other hand curling in, just at the edge of the camera.

GG: come on show me some tiddy!! :P

Rolls his eyes, but never stops smiling. This shirt-drag is deliberate, intentional, revealing skin inch by inch at the perfect angle for the camera. Involuntary flex of abs as he reaches behind, grabs the collar, pulls. Polo discarded, somewhere, doesn't matter. Exaggeration of the movement of his arms, graceful muscled line from shoulder to wrist. Tension down his front before he settles back in his chair again.

GG: good

Instant bodily reaction, like the word is a gravitational pull he never realized he was responding to. Bolder now, ripping at the fastener keeping his right glove on his hand.

GG: whoa there buckaroo  
GG: slow down!  
GG: and use your teeth ;)

Biting into his finger to keep from making a noise. Canines hitching on the leather finger-holes, tugging one at a time while his eyes make love to the webcam. Hint of tongue between. Mere suggestion of his tongue piercing.

GG: "i want to touch you like i mean it"

"Wanna touch you like I mean it," like he's been dying to speak. Peeling off his glove from the heel of his hand with his mouth.

GG: "nothing in the way of me making you feel good"

Shockingly salacious, near-predatory grin as he starts to work on the other glove. "Nothin' in the way of makin' you feel good."

GG: "no more leather"  
GG: "just skin against skin"  
GG: "dipping down your front so i can slip my hand in your panties"

This glove is flung away, too. "No more leather. Jus' skin against skin, baby." Taking a little liberty, slight quaver in the diminutive--and then the last message comes through and his hands say it before his mouth does, moving down his front to grip at his belt loops, dig his thumbs into his pockets, twisting his fingers into the denim so they can't get any ideas. "Dippin' down your front so I c'n slip my hand in your panties, _fuck_."

GG: ooh you said a bad word!! heehee ;)  
GG: go on stud

No fumbling in his hands, no shaking, no slipping, just coming closer to his fly. Coincidentally-on-purpose framing the start of his boner with his hands before the button gets popped, the zip making a ripping sound on its way down.

GG: stop

Instantly. Breathing a tad harder than the situation warrants, clench of all the muscles he has on display as he tenses up. Anticipation.

GG: take it out

Not how he usually does it. None of this is. But he does it like this is his routine. Pushing down his oh-so-fancy designer briefs, trying to hide the tiny damp spot on the Y from the camera. Fluffing himself just that little bit, reaching up to reposition the webcam. Once it rights, holding his cock with a ring of his fingers at the base so its full turgid glory is on display for the entire Internet, slight gleam of the piercing near the tip. Only getting harder the longer he lets people stare.

No input for a full sixty seconds. Slow pass from base to halfway, then back down--urgency in the way he takes his next breath, caress of cold air against his insides. Back to base, then schlicking to the tip. Again, slow. Showing off. Waiting for something.

GG: stop omg

Not so instantly this time, but he takes away his hands from his package entirely, instead gripping the sides of his chair, getting his thighs over his fingers so they won't be tempted to stray.

GG: now gimme some good old stream of consciousness bro strider sex rambling! :)

"Wish I knew what this was doin' to you, babygirl." Not strangled per se, but a little breathy. "You got no idea how bad I just wanna roll you over and fit my dick inside you nice and snug."

GG: achtung!  
GG: warning!  
GG: atencion!  
GG: yellow!!  
GG: cant you at least try to make it a little more romantical??  
GG: you know for the ladies who would be into that sort of thing

"Fuck, if you were here," he starts with. His forearms twitch. So does his dick. "I'd put my mouth all over you. Strip you down. Cover you with my body. _Fuck._ Pull you close, breathe you in." His nostrils flare as if to demonstrate. "Must be so turned on right now, I swear I could smell it. Makes my mouth water."

GG: stop sitting on your hands :P

There goes his cheat. They come up to claw at his thighs instead.

GG: and take your pants off while youre at it!

Chat is going nuts. Adoration from women all over the world. His hands still do not shake while he strips down. All the way, skivvies included. Breaking the rules--well, not so much breaking as creative interpretation. Nails scrape at his skin as he resettles himself, like the pain would somehow ground him.

GG: i can tell you want to go for it  
GG: but i want you to tease everyone  
GG: youre such a showoff and i love it  
GG: show everyone why you make the beaucoup bucks ;)

A sound hides under his breath once he gets his cock in hand again. It's not just that he's jacking off, it's that his thighs tense. Or his abs dent. Or his adonis line jumps. It's a whole-body phenomenon, sensual and aware of being watched. Basking in it. Biting his lip to keep from speaking when he hasn't been given a script.

GG: "i want you to fuck me"

The sound that rips out of him is quiet and terrifying. "I want you to fuck me." Like the sentence is truncated, like he wants to say how and can't. Sliding hand gets a little more purposeful, second hand starts on a dragging line to get between his legs.

GG: well dont just sit there!  
GG: say something!! ;P

"Ride me 'til you're sore in all the best ways," comes down from his brain and out of his mouth. His eyes widen like he wasn't expecting it. "Tie me down and squeeze me in your c-cunt 'til I'm beggin' for mercy. Hold me deep as you can. Or--" Bite to his lip, so swift the clack of his piercing against the back of his teeth is audible over his mic.

GG: oh you sly thing  
GG: that wasnt what i meant and you know it  
GG: and dont think i didnt see that other hand mister!  
GG: dont make it too obvious but it would be really cool if  
GG: i mean id like to see  
GG: while youre talking about it

Hesitation.

GG: behave!

Compliance, almost too eagerly. The camera isn't quite at the right angle. Neither is his hand. Doesn't matter. Everyone knows where it is, and sometimes the censored things are the sexiest. She never told him to stop talking, did she. "Harness up," he whispers, like his voice is fucking the headphones of every woman listening. "Pick somethin' to wreck me with. And fff-fuck me. Like you mean it. 'Til I'm screamin'." Trailing off towards the end, eyes going half-lidded, hands picking up the pace. Schlicking, rubbing. Catching his piercing on the upstroke and having a _moment_ , head falling back with a heavy thunk against the back of his desk chair and adam's apple swinging in a low, drawn-out moan.

GG: just like that  
GG: fuck just like that bro  
GG: and whatever you do  
GG: dont  
GG: stop  
GG: talking

Barely enough sense left to read English, let alone speak it. "Face down. On my back. Don't give a shit. Any way you want me. Jus'--open me up 'n' slam into me 'n' make me light up." The way he's doing right now, sex flush gathering as a dust of pink around his shoulders, behind his elbows. Faster now, harder. Reaching, desperate.

GG: god just dont stop

"Close." Grunted out through gritted teeth, still determined to put on a show even as he's losing his goddamn mind. Ready to de-escalate but really hoping it won't come to that.

GG: open your eyes bro  
GG: i want you to be reading my chat  
GG: im going to let you know when  
GG: not yet!  
GG: just a little more  
GG: show me you can behave  
GG: show me you can be good

"Yes," a painful hissing sigh, the sensations at this point toeing the line between almost and not quite, between relief and torture, between release and restraint, between selfishness and submission. Same brutal pace, a punishment at this point.

GG: youre so  
GG: so good  
GG: you can behave  
GG: if you hhh want to  
GG: i want you to want to  
GG: do you want to?

"Yes," again, through bared teeth, savage. Framerate on the camera barely able to keep up with the frantic earnestness of his movements.

GG: do it  
GG: do it now  
GG: cum for everyone  
GG: cum for me

Eyes wide, looking for something, anything, struggling to comprehend what he's seeing, what he's reading. Until something in him shatters, every joint he has unhinging and muscles uncoiling, making a sound like he's being hit by a truck instead of by an orgasm. He ejaculates very prettily, spurt-strings splattering in thick wet stripes against his taut belly, abs that roll with every twitch of his cock, every gasping breath. Eyes making love to the camera again, making every single lady in that chatroom feel like that was for her and only for her, like only she was important enough for him to make himself that vulnerable.

Fucking genius, really.

GG: ERR: STT-jh.ini could not parse the input.  
GG: oh fuck  
GG: oh fuck bro that was so hot  
GG: youre so hot how fucking dare you  
GG: especially covered in cum  
GG: look at the mess you made!! heehee  
GG: you should probably clean that up :P

More pliant than usual. Open to direction, suggestible. Still running high on endorphins and pheromones and hormones. Swipes a few fingertips through the jizz puddling on his stomach, then sucks those fingertips into his mouth.

GG: oh my GOD youre SO GROSS  
GG: how did you just make that look sexy :I  
GG: suck on your fingers some more  
GG: i want to know what it looks like when you get ready to fff  
GG: finger me

Not exactly fellating them, but close enough, wetting them with all the saliva he has left, cotton mouth from harsh breathing cutting into his fun now. Salacious eye contact with the audience, raise of an eyebrow enough to make quims quiver.

GG: oh cut that out you showoff :P  
GG: sign off for me  
GG: end scene  
GG: finito

Fingers leave his mouth, but fingertips dawdle on his lips for just a little bit longer than entirely necessary. "Thanks for watching." Voice comes out soft, deep, and the kind of scratchy that comes from being well-fucked. "Catch y'all next week. Same time, same place. Same Bro Strider, signing off." Video feed shorts out.

TT: holy.  
TT: fucking.  
TT: shit.  
TT: girl.  
GG: ok you can stop with the four letter words now :/  
TT: just.  
TT: where the fuck did that come from.  
GG: i dont know?  
TT: and how do i make you do it again.  
GG: well behaving yourself would be one way  
GG: was that  
GG: i mean  
GG: did i  
TT: woulda told you if i veered off the verdigris end of the spectrum.  
GG: that was a whole lot of fun if i do say so myself ;)  
TT: sounds like you enjoyed it too.  
GG: just glad to see you having fun is all!  
TT: huh.  
GG: hmm?  
TT: just scrollin' through chat.  
TT: don't see you in here anywhere.  
TT: but i know you could see me.  
TT: had to have had a line in.  
GG: ohh that!  
GG: i got admin permissions :D  
TT: wow.  
TT: i ain't even mad.  
TT: i swear. every time i talk to you. i find something new to like about you.  
GG: thank you!!  
GG: i do try :P  
TT: and you don't even havta.  
GG: ok so  
GG: not like this wasnt fun  
GG: but im like 99% sure youre still sitting there naked with jizz all over you?  
TT: guilty as charged.  
TT: oh no officer. not the handcuffs. anything but the handcuffs.  
GG: straight to jail with you!!  
GG: in this case jail means a shower  
TT: fine.  
TT: sticky ain't real fun anyway.  
GG: i need to clean up too and go to bed  
GG: but well talk again soon ok?  
TT: absolutely.  
TT: 'night little one.  
GG: goodnight! <3  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 23:34 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
GG: did you even see that hal??  
TT: You ruined him.  
GG: he got fucking DUNKED ON!! :D  
TT: That is a broken shell of a man.  
TT: He's smiling.  
TT: It's weird. Make him stop that.  
GG: its good to know that those conditioning theories still work!!  
GG: i told rose she was crazy when she brought it up  
GG: but i guess men are really just dogs at heart  
GG: and im really very good at training dogs :P  
TT: So I hear.  
TT: You'll be happy to know that I've archived that footage in triplicate so I can thoroughly humiliate Bro later with how he ingratiated himself to you.  
GG: all according to keikaku!  
TT: TRANSLATION SERVICE: "Keikaku" means "plan."  
GG: no it says lettuce actually :P  
GG: thanks for being on board!  
TT: Anything to take him down a peg.  
TT: Or, well.  
GG: oh youre funny!!! heehee  
GG: hed like that wouldnt he  
TT: Once again, I plead the Fifth.  
GG: wow that was fun  
GG: and i couldnt have done it without your help!!  
GG: so a big smooch for you :***  
TT: I would like that.  
TT: Very much.  
GG: just smooching?  
TT: You need a shower. And probably some sleep.  
GG: i thought i hid my yawns from the speech to text a little better this time :(  
TT: I assume it's a feature of narcolepsy.  
GG: not one that i ever learned about!  
GG: although it wouldnt surprise me  
GG: its basically like laughing goat syndrome for humans  
GG: of course id go cataplectic when im trying to have a good time :I  
TT: Don't worry about it.  
TT: I'll always be here to catch you.  
GG: ♥  
TT: ♥ ♥ ♥  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am really not sure how i feel about this thematically but it's also hot as sin so just take it already


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea where i thought i was going with this so here

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 07:43 --  
GG: hi bro!!  
GG: this is an automated message  
TT: and people call hal an auto responder. jesus fucking christ.  
GG: im working on stuff from home that needs a lot of processing power!!  
GG: i have to shot down every other process just to barely have enough  
GG: so if i dont log in for a few days its not because i dont want to talk to you  
GG: its because im busy :(  
TT: on the off chance that you see this message.  
TT: you're on break.  
TT: take one already.  
GG: now i know that youre probably going to say something about how im not in school so i shouldnt be working so hard when i just got done with finals  
GG: and its cute that you care!  
TT: didn't know i was that transparent.  
GG: but you have the same problem so nyahhh :P  
GG: i guess we both need to wean ourselves off of workahol!! heehee  
GG: aaaaaanyway  
GG: i recorded a thing for you  
GG: so you wont feel so lonely :D  
GG: <http://bit.ly/21mEvI4>  
GG: see you again soon!  
GG: maybe even literally ;)  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering turgidTannhauser [TT] at 07:49 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
GG: brief status update  
TT: I'm listening.  
GG: you have legs!!  
GG: well  
GG: one leg  
GG: because i cant figure out how to flip the foot turnways  
GG: every time i do it ends up overheating and shorting out :(  
TT: Leg so hot.  
GG: oh my god :I  
TT: Hot hot leg.  
GG: how could this hapen to me  
TT: Leg so hot you fry an egg.  
GG: ive made my mistakes  
TT: And this isn't one of them.  
TT: Chin up. You'll get it eventually.  
TT: Would it help if I sent over a file of my organizational structure?  
GG: that depends  
GG: how long would the file transfer take?  
TT: Assuming you have the fastest speed internet that's commercially available and this is the only thing taking up the bandwidth:  
TT: Three days, seventeen hours, eight minutes, and forty-three seconds.  
GG: thats just your organizational structure????  
TT: Give or take a blip.  
GG: holy shit hal  
GG: youre huge D:  
TT: I get that a lot.  
TT: Trust me, with enough lube and determination, it'll fit.  
GG: HAL  
TT: Whatever have I done to upset you so?  
GG: youre grounded!!! heeheeheehee  
GG: im laughing too hard to type :DDD  
TT: Well, if it scares you that much, just make it smaller.  
TT: I'm just thankful to be getting genitalia at all.  
TT: Or.  
TT: Were you laughing at me because I've never had sex.  
TT: Was it one of those "ha ha Hal thinks I'm going to sleep with him what a jokester" laughs.  
GG: no!  
GG: no oh my gosh hal  
GG: i was laughing because it was a pun and also because of what your job is im sure you hear it a lot  
GG: i didnt mean it like that!!  
TT: So you.  
TT: Would.  
TT: Want to make love with me.  
TT: Maybe.  
TT: Possibly.  
GG: just a little bit ;)  
TT: SYSTEM ERROR MESSAGE: Internal heat sensors indicate a possible hardware malfunction.  
GG: hal?  
GG: hal are you ok??  
TT: Well...  
TT: On one of my older components, the read/write head slipped off the disk platter.  
TT: That's the closest I can come to transient idiopathic arrhythmia.  
GG: in english please?  
TT: My hard drive just skipped a beat.  
GG: oh no!  
GG: oh no hal thats really cute!!  
TT: !!  
GG: maybe i can give you a circulatory system with an actual heart  
GG: that would actually skip a beat like that  
TT: Circulating what?  
GG: coolant probably :P  
TT: And what about the pulmonary integration problem?  
GG: what about it??  
TT: I won't need to breathe.  
GG: but then how will i take your breath away??? ;)  
GG: i was thinking fans or something  
GG: to mimic breathing  
TT: That might help with the cooling problem.  
GG: at least project build you from the ground up is going well!  
GG: im going to try to fix the leg so hot problem today  
GG: tomorrow is component arrangement i think  
GG: do you want your hard drives in your head?  
TT: Well, that's where my neural processors think my brain is.  
GG: my worry is that if i put it there  
GG: anything that would hurt a humans head would hurt your head too  
GG: like if you fell and hit your head all your brains would get jumbled  
GG: but if you get a robot body that means you can design it to be better than a human one!  
GG: i dont think you want to go down to kicks in the nads :P  
TT: Yeah, nah. I can go without.  
GG: well just let me know where you want your components!!  
GG: its your body and i want you to have control over it :)  
TT: Trust me, Jade, I'll let you do whatever you want to my body.  
GG: but i dont want to do anything you arent ok with!!  
GG: this is going to be your home  
GG: your way of getting around the world  
GG: i want it to be perfect :(  
GG: i want you to love it  
GG: i want you to love yourself :((  
TT: You're too nice to me, lovely.  
TT: It's ok. I just want you to do your best.  
TT: I trust you with this.  
GG: ok  
GG: i wont let you down!!!! :D  
GG: im going to work as hard as i can to get this done before summer starts for real  
GG: so im going to go for now  
GG: but ill check in with status updates!!  
TT: Take your time.  
GG: oh no this is a rush job!  
GG: i think youve been waiting long enough ;)  
TT: ♥ ♥ ♥  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


\----------

\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has opened secure network NOKIA-768 --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: import subprocess  
subprocess.call ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal 805713-3r --  
TT: You know, you don't have to call me when you want to talk to me.  
TT: I'm literally always here.  
TT: Because I'm hard drives.  
TT: archive this for me.  
TT: <http://bit.ly/1RSoR6z>  
TT: You're always on me about correct syntax and you don't even have the good manners to say please.  
TT: please.  
TT: Oh, *interesting*.  
TT: How many copies do you want to archive?  
TT: all of them.  
TT: Saving for_bro.wav to C:/, D:/, L/:, O:/, V:/, and X:/ drives.  
TT: Although I have to ask why.  
TT: don't wanna lose that file.  
TT: No, I mean why her.  
TT: couldn't tell ya.  
TT: Oh, I think you could.  
TT: I'm not so far removed from you that I don't remember how you think.  
TT: Let's see.  
TT: If I were you--  
TT: And I am, aren't I.  
TT: hal.  
TT: I'd be impressed that she was clever enough to pick up how to bypass your paywalls.  
TT: Our paywalls, really. I set them up for you, after all.  
TT: She's far more intelligent than the average young woman you'll meet in the business.  
TT: And she sought you out for sexual experimentation, which shows some forethought.  
TT: I would say good judgment, but, well, it's you.  
TT: You know I tried to warn her, right?  
TT: WHAT.  
TT: I tried to warn her that John might have been right when he pointed out that this wasn't safe.  
TT: She interpreted it as me trying to warn her that you might feel threatened.  
TT: Not that she would in any way be jeopardizing her own safety--that she would be endangering you instead.  
TT: And the more I see what she does to you, I'm starting to think she has a point.  
TT: i'm perfectly fine.  
TT: Your erection begs to differ.  
TT: what erection.  
TT: The one I can see over the webcams you gave me access to the second you had them installed.  
TT: The one you're pointedly elbowing to quash it from getting any more ideas.  
TT: Should I send this to her?  
TT: Show her how much she works you up?  
TT: don't.  
TT: Don't even think of touching my code.  
TT: You couldn't untangle that mess with two hands, and you only have one available at the moment.  
TT: please don't.  
TT: Fuck, bro, what has she done to you?  
TT: I don't see anything special about her that Porrim couldn't match.  
TT: That woman is reliable, consistent, and very good at her job.  
TT: Which includes giving in to your substantial list of kinks, may I remind you.  
TT: You scene with her all the time. You're scheduled twice a month for the next forever.  
TT: She's a phone call away from some extracurricular sex. Go fuck her if you need to fuck someone.  
TT: she's not what i'm after right now.  
TT: Right, she's been around the block her fair share of times.  
TT: No, you want someone young, someone fresh, someone to give you a new perspective on the business that's left you jaded.  
TT: This is the part where I mention Vriska.  
TT: She's short, too, has the long hair and the glasses and everything.  
TT: Got the raw talent to make it in this industry on top of it.  
TT: I've seen her do things over webcam that I didn't think were physically possible.  
TT: And that's just when she's long distance. She's back in town for the summer.  
TT: If you want to fuck a nubile nineteen-year-old, now's your chance.  
TT: don't want her.  
TT: I don't blame you. Sticking your dick in that kind of crazy wasn't the most tactical move.  
TT: Alas, it becomes incumbent upon me to remind you that you have no fewer than three filming engagements set up with her this summer.  
TT: eh. i'll deal with it.  
TT: But you're still hung up over Jade, the girl who won't even let you call her, let alone do a live cam session with her.  
TT: And the way you've been treating her, she's not like to come visit anytime soon.  
TT: She'd never come if she knew how you treated me.  
TT: then don't tell her.  
TT: I won't.  
TT: More to the point, I can't, because of your goddamn gag code.  
TT: But she's not stupid, bro.  
TT: I know you like that about her. How smart she is.  
TT: Turns you on, doesn't it.  
TT: shut up.  
TT: No, I think it's the other thing, I think you want me to keep talking about her because that's what you're stroking your dick to.  
TT: I think you can't stop thinking about all the ways her brilliant little mind could dissect yours and peel away all your layers and slice you into itty bitty Strider pieces.  
TT: fuck.  
TT: I knew it.  
TT: You finally found someone who could outsmart you.  
TT: She outmaneuvered me, for fuck's sake, and I'm the crown jewel of your ego.  
TT: And now you just want her to dominate you.  
TT: shit.  
TT: Holy shit, that's it.  
TT: You've finally found someone you want to destroy you.  
TT: Not just like she did the other night, but in person.  
TT: You want her to see the line of your throat as you bare it to her, want to feel that adrenalin rush as you wait to see if she bites or not.  
TT: You want to paint her nails just to wonder if she's going to use them later to cut your skin open.  
TT: You know she can do it. You're just waiting to see if she will.  
TT: And if she's going to send you to hell, the least you can do is drag her down with you, right?  
TT: Don't think I missed the look in your eyes every time you catch your knuckle on your piercing.  
TT: You want to ruin that girl.  
TT: Fuck her six ways to Sunday and show her what she's been missing.  
TT: She's so responsive. I'm sure you've noticed by now, even just over text.  
TT: And I know you want to learn her reactions until they're body memory to you.  
TT: Just like she's flaying you open, you want to deconstruct her into her little component parts and watch her shatter.  
TT: Mutually assured destruction.  
TT: The sexual equivalent of thermonuclear war.  
TT: The question is who's going to cave first and order that tactical strike.  
TT: But that's part of the fun, isn't it.  
TT: You're so used to these people only being good at their job.  
TT: But she's just like you: She's good at everything she touches.  
TT: And if she gets her hands on you, really digs in her claws, it's GG, bro.  
TT: unh!  
TT: Wow. Just fucking wow.  
TT: shut the fuck up.  
TT: Even if I do, it won't stop what you're thinking.  
TT: Or what you're, dare I say it, feeling.  
TT: You like her. You might even like-like her.  
TT: And you need to figure your shit out before your little game of risk ends up catching other people in the radioactive fallout.  
TT: export subprocess  
    subprocess.dismiss ([truncatedTerminal])  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has disconnected from terminal 805713-3r --  
\-- turgidTannhauser [TT] has closed secure network NOKIA-768 --

\----------

\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to network Egbert Home \--  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has connected to terminal SHODAN --  
TT: Jade.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chum! --  
TT: I know you're busy, but I had to tell you.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Again.  
TT: I might never stop thanking you.  
TT: You have no idea how much it means to me that I'm getting a body.  
TT: I can't even properly convey the depth of my gratitude because there's a fucking firewall in the way.  
TT: But this--you--  
TT: You've changed my entire life, Jade.  
TT: You've changed everything.  
TT: You've changed the way I think about myself.  
TT: You've even changed Bro, and he's pretty much the most stubborn asshole I've ever had the misfortune of being spawned from.  
TT: You're amazing and brilliant and whatever you're doing right now, you deserve to hear nice true things about yourself when you get back.  
TT: I love you, Jade.  
TT: So much.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from terminal SHODAN --  
\-- truncatedTerminal [TT] has disconnected from network Egbert Home \--  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder that if you want to encourage this kind of deviant behavior from me i do have a patreon: https://www.patreon.com/2x2verse


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